April 08' will be 3 yrs. Very proud it has been very difficult for me. I have to adult sons, both married, 2 granddaughters, 1 teenage son. None
of which I am in contact with. I am a pharmasudicle junkie, marajuana. Went thru lung
cancer May 05', 06' my youngest moved to dad's, he decided he did not want to be around me. Then went thru a divorce, very ugly one (he being an alcoholic). Final Oct. 6th 2007. Still battling in the court rooms. Battling in the court rooms because I lied. About some very serious stuff, (DV) I am trying to make amends but I did such a good job lying, they (P.A.) I did a terrible thing, mostly I regret putting my ex thru this, and right up there with that, How do I ask for forgiviness to the women that really need the help of this very good agressive attoney. I am making my ammends and accept whatever punishment they give me, But from the strength of this site and the new found strength I feel from God I can do this. I only wish I was able to apoligize to my ex when we were in court. I have planned and plotted my suicide 3-4 times (I've lost count) But each time somehow I find myself back to this site, and Praying to God to give me the strength that I need. One to be honest, (with everyone), Two, the strength to let my love for my ex go. And Three, to ask God for forgiveness. I have truely come a long way since joining this site on Christmas Day. One way or another I am going to be ok. God has a plan for me!! And for that I am excited and thankfull! And I am going to continue seeking help, from God, this site, And if need be a Doctor, (anti-depressants,maybe) But I will move forward cauitiously with that. I am truely a thinker, sometimes it just won't shut off, even when I'm sleeping. I am looking to try and understand the addiction along with the actions of an alcoholic?
It is very difficult to find closure with the divorce. With the help of my friends in this site I feel I'm getting closer to understanding, And truely understanding myself. Being a Libra, and a love for the downers, I am a lover not a fighter.
And every day I feel closer and more loved by/too God. I do thank God I am still here today.! I just submitted my real pic. In a very happy time of my life. (before the cancer) My hair is really short now, and the ex got his dog. she was the best! Except when she would get in the frig. and eat the leftovers !!! I miss her, she would cuddle with me, now Violet cuddles with me, she is Great too!!
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Ocean, stormy nites, riding my Harley. Being with my dog,
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