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Hi friends , it seems that I have a penchant for discussing that which is very dividing feelings on both sides. However I do not write on these to cause discourse but quite the opposite. I believe it to be very healthy to debate these issues, for our own growth , I believe that in the end we can peacefully agree to disagree and still be friends , as well I believe these discourses strengthen my mind, intellect and spirituality as I learn to listen with an open mind differing opinion, and possibly erase any ignorance I may process on these particular issues.
Now to the issue at hand, putting pen to paper on the 12 steps, more so on all steps and more than once. I personally at 17+ years am presently on my 11 set of going through the steps. I believe in putting pen to paper firstly on each and every step for numerous reasons. firstly I do this for each step because for me the act of writing it down instills each principle and aspect of the step gets deeply instilled in my thinking and more instilled in my subconscious that the act of thinking, and writing creates in me, secondly it causes me to contemplate the ideas laid ours in the step as well as the spiritual principles behind it.
I also do this repeatedly because as the wonderful "Big Book" tells me and the old-timers, "God never gives us more than we can handle" I believe this to be true.( Even though I feel God Thinks I can handle a serving platter, while I'm of the mind that A side plate would be sufficient). However back to only being given what God believes I can handle, If this be true then there are many aspects and issues that can not be covered in one set of steps. Which means that at a later date I will need to repeat to fully deal with the issues which make me spiritually sick and got me to the point I was at when I crawled into this wondrous fellowship. It is the same as cleaning a badly infected wound, cleaned once is seldom enough, the dressing must be cleaned and the wound continuously irrigated till made whole. Some would counter that this is the purpose of the 10th step. However I would say that if I'm doing a proper 10th step daily , since I am not a saint there is enough in my short comings on a daily basis to admit wrong and rectify, without digging into deeper issues as a nightly meditation and self examination does not allow me the time to do an in depth self examination.
As well as this The wondrous literature and old-timers again tell me "more will Be Revealed." I also have found this to be true which has initiated the cause to revisit the process of the steps. In addition my understanding and interpretation of the 12 Steps clarifies, enhances and perspective grows with time. Which also produces very gratifying results when the process of revisiting the practice of pen and paper to the 12 Steps.
I will conclude with I will only get out of the glorious 12 Step process that I am willing to put into the process. The healthier I make myself the more I may be of service to the GOD of my understanding. For I believe the Will of God is to be of service to God's Children. And if I'm incapable of helping myself How can I be of assistance to anyone.
Tags: 12 Steps
I have heard this debat at least a thousand times in my recovery. The question; Why do I need to kneel when doing the third step? I've heard most of the arguements from, It brings up issues of past abuse to I am a person of dignity since coming into recovery it demeans me to Kneel. I kneel to no one.
To me it is a resounding yes for kneeling in when doing the third step < Especially if it is your first time doing step three. For a number of reasons First off you are not kneeling to no one but to the God "of your understanding. In kneeling we our showing surrender and submission to a power greater than self. It is also a sign of fealty. Which should say it all. A Fealty to the God of my own choosing. If I cannot kneel to the God of my own choosing then maybe their is still EGO left running the show Or is it that I truly have not conceded to my innermost self that I am truly powerless. And have I trult come to believe in a power greater than self If I have a real problem in kneeling to the God of my own understanding have I honestly completely accepted and truly done Step 1 or Step 2.
Hi all, This morning I was just checking the recovery sites I've joined. (I've Joined a few after the warm reception and support I received here) and looking through messages. When lo and behold I stumbled upon one from a young girl, who said after checking my profile that she was looking for " love and protection" also she would love to hear from my to exchange pictures and more about herself ( no I am not naive ) , I was shall we say surprised, of course this was instantly an ego boost, it was also disturbing, and instantly brought up a lot of stuff. Of course my male ego was flattered, however there was a private email attached. Initially my first response after settling down the ego was to just ignore this. However after contemplation and a cigarette, I decided to answer this poor young woman. I know your all thinking -You sorry sic S.O.B.- hear me out. This is what I replied
&nb sp; " I am deeply Honored and Flattered by you message. As you probably already know, most of us come to recovery alone and somewhat unsure of what to expect so a little frightened as well we all come in "damaged" by what we have done to ourselves and what has been done to us by others, some more than others we have all come here via different paths. As such, the majority of us come here with low self esteem or as I like to say "ego maniacs with an inferiority complex". We all want to be wanted and feel needed, But mostly we all crave to loved and be part of. This is why after the fist step were we admit to our inner most selves, that we need help. There is step 2 and 3 where I can find support ,love and protection without compare and that is with a Higher power of our own understanding. Yet we all crave that Human element the touch of another human being that cares and loves us. However I can not truly experience this in its purest form and reciprocate until I truly learn to love and forgive myself. It worries me that a Beautiful young woman as yourself would look for this intimate connection where you have. You really have no idea who or what I am by an online profile. You have allowed yourself to be in a very vulnerable place where someone could take full advantage of you and cause much pain and hurt . I strongly advise you to seek your need for love and protection in a GOD of your understanding, and Find a WOMAN sponsor, to guide you through some healing that the may find Love and Healing that you deserve. Please do not take this as a rejection, for I am truly giving you honor and love with my response. Remember GOD does not make Garbage,"
&nb sp; I am not so ego driven to believe that I was the only one contacted, so am also imploring other men not to succumb to the lure of temptation to reply to this poor young woman. Yes I am well aware this may be a ploy of another nature as mentioned I am not naive.
&nb sp; This also brought up memories of my early recovery as well as memories all through recovery. Of the strong need in all of us to "feel wanted", to "Feel Loved", to "be part of something larger than ourselves", " to be Validated as a desirable Human Being". especially in early recovery, once we got a few days under our belts and "think we know something" LOL anybody else remember this, or the times we are just felling vulnerable and lonely, I can recall going to my first Round-up (convention) and my sponsor telling me that he hopes "I get Lucky" I was kinda surprised and said thanks and so do I. to Which he laughs and replies you don't get it do you? To which I replied of course I do you think I'm a child. He say yes I do, in recovery "getting lucky at a convention means " GOING HOME ALONE". Your are not well enough yet for a relationship or to inflict your sickness on some poor undeserving woman. So if you really want recovery and perhaps down the road god willing a loving relationship you will go have a good time talk to people LISTEN to the Speakers Dance with all the woman you want BUT at the end of the night WE will go have coffee and I'll drive you home. To which he began to teach me how that first I needed to find love with a God of my understanding and then through the Wonder 12 step program find out who and what I really am then learn to love and forgive myself then and only then can I have a chance at a REAL relationship and not inflict my sickness on some poor unsuspecting woman.
He further taught me and showed me how painful relationships in early recovery can really be. As well as of course me thinking that I was healthier than he thought and finding out for myself first hand because don't you know I found "HER" the special one the one meant for me , sent by my higher power, only for us to hurt each other, and not only once. Anybody else remember those. Seriously though the pain and lessons are one thing, however I was blessed by my higher power not to relapse over any of these pains or my ex's to relapse, However I have seen it happen to many times and to the extent of DEATH, Sadly yes I have seen relationships in early recovery which caused so much pain that some have relapsed and DIED. The point being is that relationships especially in early recovery are a very serious matter. Not to be taken or entered into lightly.
Hi All , I just want to touch on "hitting Bottom" as it is mentioned in the literature, and bandied about the rooms all the time, You ask people about their respective bottoms, and most tell you about, prostituting themselves, jails, losing families, being broke, and on . this all may be part of their respective bottoms, However this is not the element that the oldtimers were talking about and/or trying to get across.
&nb sp; What they are refering to is that point we get to where, nothing matters, when we feel hopeless, worthless, less than, where a gun in the mouth or a jump off a bridge, or just completely giving up is a serious consideration the place I call, "Alone, Lonely and wanting to Die" or what today cousellors and most health professionals would call "a little depression" you just need some medication and a shoulder or maybe some institutional living. It becomes the point that we are vulnerable and the EGO is disoriented and beaten, It is at this point that we can actually take the directions and Guidance (suggestions) that the 12 Step Program provides. It is a this point that one can admit to his/her innermost self that there is a problem and they require help. It is at this point that we can SURRENDER to the wisdom of the 12 step program. Without this state how many of us will actually and utterly concede to our innermost selves the need for help, the need for a better way. How many of us will surrender to do what the program actually asks us to do. Without this is the main reason many of us relapse.
&nb sp; &nb sp; We are ego maniacs with an inferiority complex, se believe we can do things for ourselves. That most people don't know what they're talking about, and that they just don't understand, If we only had, the money, the family, the white.picket fence, ETC. Or the old famous "I'm not hurting anyone". That place of denial and delusion. With out a Bottom we stay in those places. We need to hit bottom to begin recovery with a solid foundation
Posted On 06/07/2010 03:40:33
Well Hello again my new freinds. I must say I am somewhat surprised at the amount of interaction and support I've recieved here. Though I am new to "online Recovery sites" I have visited a couple. This one seems to be more active and not as clique ( so far). I must say it is nice. I feel accepted and almost a sense of part of as well as free to express myself ( as you can see).
I kinda have neen searching these sites because as I said earlier That I worked as a drug and alcohol counsellor and life skills coach, then as funding closed more and more oppotunities for myself and beliefs, I became a Alano Club Operations Manager for 8 1/2 years then they wanted to go a new way and a couple of newer board members thought that it had become too much recognizable as my club and I was too associated. So I got into to being a resident manager , which I really wenjoyed and my tenants were very happy with me however My head office was always a hassle. Let me give you a brief idea. The first place I had to clean-up had 165 units there was garbage around the trash bins, I had to evict numerous drug dealers and a couple of hookers we had to redo the courtyard and fix the fountain hadn't run in three years. had to redo units and redo lobbies. after 6 months getting these things all done slowly yet getting done. We started a tenants activity commitee had a couple of barbeques a garage sale. People were mingling in the courtyard and meeting other tenants, they'd say have you just moved in? and the reply would be No I've been here 2 years, Elderly ladies felt safe in the courtyard. There was no more break ins in the underground. A couple of months later I was fired. Going to argue with owner 2 weeks later he re-instated me but at another location this one was different issues, such as it took me 8 weeks to get the corperation to deal with a bunch of units with bedbugs 5 months still won't okay exterminater for cockroaches in 60% percent of the 3 buildings, thier answer evict the tenant. Fire panels will not pay for authorized technicians, you get the idea finally took Stress leave well on stress leave I have recieved an eviction notice. Obviously my God is telling me there is somewhere else I'm supposed to be. I've been thinking of being a recovery coach and opening my own business . As this is a new field here. A little unsure of how that will go. and will it do well enough to take care of my responsibilities. Yes a little lack of faith and maybe some Fear. I think I just need to meditate know that this is where god wants me and just DO IT.
Hi My Freinds, I've been listening to some of my old speaker tapes the last 3-4 nights as i was feeling defeated by the world and fighting a growing depression, these tapes were wonderful as they awakened in me some thing that I'd forgotten. See if your anything like this recovering alcoholic addict I have this disease that has a contract on my ASS, My disease is constantly out in the parking lot doing push-ups just waiting for the chance. Anyways I digress, as a result of listening to these tapes I did something I haven't done in about 2 1/2 to 3 years and that is go to a meeting . You see my clean date is December 26th 1992. After this I got counselor traing life skills coaching certificate and went to work in recovery houses, sponsored newcomers got involved in commitees from H&I to round-ups conventions running an Alano club, then funding dried up for abstinence recovery and goverment started supporting Harm reduction which if your an alcoholic or addict of my kind is the same as a serial killer only killing once a year or a wife beater saying well I only beat my wife once this month, however i continued the rest, after about almost fifteen years got a resentment and started backing off meeting and doing so much volunteering . got a new job and stated getting what I thought of as getting on with life. Actually I got caught up in life keeping up with jones in a sense lost contact with God and replaced with a new higher power materialism. So i've been getting back to basics one of the things that brought me here. wrote a blog earlier and had one very one comment that really made me sad. one poor gentlen commented that I was wrong in thinking that there was no work required in recovery, that they seemed to believe that by sitting in achair they could get recovery by osmosis, Oh my poor disillusioned brother I pray for you I have worked with too many of your type and helplessly watched your type be disillusioned and be somewhat happy for a year or 2 even five years only to see them relapse or even worse commit sucide over the pain that can bring . I've been to too many FUNERALS of a couple of suicides and too many relapse deaths of those who just wanted to use or drink one last time or didn't think the work was for them that they didn't need those "suggestions". I'm glad to be back and not letting the lies feed my disease. By the grace of God (that I don't understand) Always remember GOD does not make garbage.
&nb sp; BILL
Hi All , I'm new here just checking out some recovery sites. Been on medical leave lately and doing some new stuff. Never actually checked out online recovery sites before, was always too busy going to meetings doing the steps sponsoring people- Being part of recovery comitees etc.. I just finished listening to one of my favourite speaker tapes Mickey Bush and it was great especially after seeing all the CRAP on the net about recovery rates and people slamming A.A. N.A. Basically all the "12 STEP PROGRAMS" That they were hurting in these fellowships or was there for 2 weeks to 2 years and was still in pain and suffering. Yet one thing I noticed is the majority of these people were expecting the fellowship to heal them or get some "CURE" from meetings. It's just like My Sponsor taught me and Mickey says in his tapes -" You don't get recovery by OSMOSIS, there's a lot of work to be done and only each of us can do our own work wirthout the work it doesn't work. The fellowship is great and meetings are great and these sites are great BUT recovery is in working "THE 12 STEP PROGRAM".
Tags: 12 Steps