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Hello All! I have missed you all dearly. I have been working alot and enjoying the fast pace that is my life. I was so afraid that the stress of work would turn me back in to that person I use to be....funny what fear does to us when we let it! Anyway, I didn't want anyone to think I had abandoned my recovery so here I am clean as a whistle and loving the life that God has given me. You all play a major role in my life. The advice you give, the support, and most of all the friendships forged in times or sorrow and happiness. God bless you all for the lovely and inspirational messages you've been sending me. Please forgive me for not responding as I use to. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart and soul....you are all ANGELS!!!!!
PEACE AND LOVE......JENNIFER
Thought to Consider . . .
I am responsible.
when anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help,
I want the hand of NA/AA to always to be there.
And for that:
I am responsible!
I look at my past in many different ways mostly depending on what is going on at the moment in my life. There have been moments of regret, followed by moments of clarity. When I feel I'm in a moment of clarity I know that I have made progress in my life and my recovery...by the grace of GOD. It's an overwhelming feeling of comfort to me anyway! At a meeting the other night I was filled with complete and utter joy! There were more newcomers in the room than regulars. Again I thought to myself by the grace of GOD they have opened themselves up to a new life. Seeing others willing to take a stand and fight against the disease of addiction is a powerful force. I truely believe that this meeting has been the most enlightening one I have ever been to in my two years of recovery. One question has came to mind just now. What made it possible for you to stand up and face your demon of addiction?
Happy Memorial Day dear friends! HUGS, Jennifer
Tags: Recovery Strength Growth Clarity
Thank you is one of the most important things we can say to anyone. Thank you packs a lot of meaning into two little words. Thank you says, "I see you. I see what you have done for me. You have been kind to me. I know it takes work to be kind. I feel special that you did the work of being kind to me. I am grateful."
Sometimes it is hard for us to say thank you because we are too busy feeling shame or sadness or anger. So what? No excuses. Those feelings are our own problems, and we know what to do about them now that we have a recovery program. No matter what is going on with us, we can always find help. And we can always be kind to others. Saying thank you is an easy way to start.
Prayer for the Day
Thank You, Higher Power. Thank You for the gift of life, for a world of natural beauty and power to live in, and for the people around me who love me and accept my love. Thank You for caring about me and helping me every day in my recovery, and please help me ask for the gift of Your help each day.
Today's Action
Today I will practice thinking "Thank You, Higher Power" every time I receive a little help or a lucky break.
It's been an amazing week for me. I am so very thankful for the oppurtunities I have been given. My prayers have been answered and I am now employed at the local library. Being in recovery has helped me to see the world more clearly. Today I just want to thank all of you for supporting me, being a part of my life, for helping me to stay connected with my HP and for the friendships we share. Each one of you fill my heart each day with love, honesty, compassion, forgiveness, and the will to stand tall no matter what I face in my life. I thank you all dear friends you are my guardian angels. Love & Hugs --Jennifer
Tags: Recovery Growth Support
I 'm sitting here trying to get my thoughts straight about what I'm feeling. The words just aren't coming to me as they usually do. My heart is breaking and my faith is faltering. Friday is my two year clean and sober anniversary and I'm proud of myself for the accomplishments I've made in the last two years. But one thing holds me back and I fear always will. Two years ago I went to jail for a crime I didn't commit. I know most of you are thinking that all criminals say that very thing and truely aren't innocent. But I truely am innocent. Over the past couple of years I have gotten better about talking about the charge and my experience in jail. I feel I lost a part of myself that I will never get back no matter what I do in my life. That all the change, faith, honesty, accomplishments, and recovery birthdays that come and go will not help. The problem is is I plead guilty to a charge so that I could avoid prison and live what I thought would be a happy uneventful life. My mistake! This charge (a felony) bars me from so many jobs, careers, and takes away many choices in what I call a normal life. What can I do I sit here wondering. It isn't self-pity...it's fear that is suffocating me. Fear of not being able to continue to grow in life. It's hard to explain but I am going ot do my best. For the past year I have been a volunteer and they are know hiring. These people have gotten to know me very well and I have been very honest and upfront in regards to my situations both legal and personal. They offered me the job and now it seems that I am being put off. Maybe I'm wrong. Finding a job has been terribly hard since I got out of jail. I moved and now finding a job is even more difficult since nobody hires people with a felony charge on their record. I pray that I am wrong about being put off. My strength to continue fighting is decreasing as I am disqualified from so many places no matter. I know that my HP will provide me the strength to keep going and everything will work out for the best. My thoughts are scattered and filled with worry and confusion. Seems I have more questions than answers. Just have know idea what to do anymore.
Thanks for being here you guys and letting me vent alittle. HUGS TO YOU ALL!! ----Jennifer
Tags: Help Advice Recovery Life Fear Confusion
Do I need to take a break from my life? Do you? From the first moment I stepped foot in the rooms of recovery I was overwhelmed with the need for change, responsibilities, the need for action to be taken within myself and my life. At times I felt the need for a break from it all. A chance to reflect on my needs so not to return to the dreaded activities of the past. The ups lifted my spirit empowering me to continue the much needed changes I was making. Yet the downs were exhausting my spirit forever trying to pull me back into the darkness of the past. The process of restoring myself has been a long exhausting road. A road that needs the occasional break to step back and take notice of the hard work accomplished as well the work to be done. But I needed more time time to take a vacation from myself. A vacation to motivate and restore my energy. I needed spiritual restoration, renewed energy to cure the wounds of the past. Time does heal all. In the rooms we learn to live again. I have learned that in order to restore myself I must take a break from life at times to regain the power to move forward. For if we are powerless or experiencing a loss of power we can slip into the darkness yet again.
Today I pray for the knowledge to see when I need a break and learn to accept that time and my Higher Power heals all.
Thank you dear friends in recovery for keeping me clean & sober today. HUGS, J
Tags: Restore Recovery Responsibility
Easter is upon us and I have been thinking about the beauty of recovery & Gods many gifts to us recovering addicts. This weekend many will be celebrating the resurrection (renewal/rebirth) of Jesus. And I started to think of how thankful this recovering addict is to be able to view life through clean eyes & a sober mind. That being a part of something much greater than myself is an amazing feeling. Today I can wake up to a life I am proud to call my own, give thanks to my higher power for the continuous guidance he so faithfully provides, look myself in the eyes and say thank you for staying clean & sober another day, be honest and helpful to others in need, and enjoy Gods beautiful creations like never before. Today I would like to thank my higher power for the many precious gifts he has given me, his continued guidance and strength, and always holding his hand out when I fall. Thank you for saving this addict. HAPPY EASTER TO ALL!
Growing up I always wanted to be just like my cousin Michelle. She was beautiful, thin, and popular. I spent time with her as often as I could (before my addictive years began). Before long I was introduced into a world of parties, booze and boys. I was shy and insecure... being interested in things wasn't the problem. The problem was I wasn't perfect. And I didn't think I would fit in with them because I wasn't perfect! Perfection is being without a flaw or defect. Is anyone PERFECT? I personally don't think so but I'm sure many out there whould argue that they are!
After going to the parties a few times I figured out that she wasn't at all what I wanted to be. I wanted to be respected among other things. I wondered who she wanted to be like. Then I moved on...If I can't be perfect then why try at all to obtain the unobtainable. Then comes...Addiction I didn't know what it was when it found me but I darn sure know now. From that moment around fourteen years was blurred. I was in and out of recovery a number of times. In my search for perfection I found just the opposite. Several close calls and a few stays in jail finally woke me up. I couldnt be perfect because I had a many a defects within my character. It didn't mean that I was lost to the world or broken. I felt broken and over time with the help of the 12 steps I have healed in many ways. There are a few remaining defects but the difference is I KNOW THEY ARE THERE! They no longer hold a death grip on me. The point of my rambling is I wanted to be perfect and I was confused at what perfect was. Life, addiction, and recovery have taught me that: 1. In life you are faced with many things that are not perfect but succeed you will. 2.You learn alot from your experiences in active addiction. (who would have thought that was possible) 3. Recovery offers you a chance to live again knowing that you don't have to be perfect to live a happy life.
I hope this rambling made sense to someone. 
Tags: Recovery Perfection Defects
"One of the most essential things you need to do for yourself is to choose a goal that is important to you. Perfection does not exist; you can always do better and you can always grow." --LES BROWN
I've been reading alot lately about setting goals. In a world were wants and needs often get blurred and we forget the destination we have set out to reach, having goals seems to be of great importance. Often times I set goals for myself and then find I have lost sight of them in no time at all. Sad but true! I wanted to share with you what I have learned in hopes that it may help you as it has truely opened my eyes to the value of setting goals for personal growth in my recovery. Just making a list of short and long term goals are a thing of the past. Open yourself up to vast improvement by making a list of daily, short, mid-range, and long term goals. When starting the daily goals list --Ask yourself what do you wish to accomplish today? From there you work on each goal list keeping in mind that each list divides your goals into managebale parts that will help to reduce any overwhelming feelings and stress. Before you know it you will be reaching the goals you set making room for new goals. I know it might sound alittle childlike but it is working for me. After all, we do take it one day at a time.
Tags: Goals Recovery Growth
COURAGE is the ability to confront your pain and fears, it's taking risks, it is uncertainty and intimidation. During my active addiction I thought I had limitless amounts of courage. I was a coward fearful of life and what it had to offer me. I could fill a notebook with my desires, plans, wishes, and things I had at times aspired to become. One word can describe that notebook....SABOTAGE! I was without courage and my fears ruled me allowing me to sabotage myself. With courage I still have fear, pain, uncertainty, intimidation and a certain amount of risks. But I have learned that I now must face them all head on. Recovery has taught me alot about the person I held captive within me for so many years. Finding out who I am has opened my eyes to a world of options and oppurtunities I never saw before. The ability to face the hardships in my life has given me a renewed strength and revitalized my physical and moral courage.
Thank you dear friends for keeping me clean & sober another day! GOD BLESS!
Tags: Courage Recovery Fear Pain Uncertainty
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