A quote I like from an author I ADORE....
"The day he first told me he was starting to disappear I didn't believe him & so he stopped & held his hand up to the sun & it was like thin paper in the light & finally I said you seem very calm for a man who is disappearing & he said it was a relief after all those years of trying to keep the pieces of his life in one place. Later on, I went to see him again & as I wa
s leaving, he put a package in my hand. This is the last piece of my life, he said, take good care of it & then he smiled & was gone & the room filled with the sound of the wind & when I opened the package there was nothing there & I thought there must be some mistake or maybe I dropped it & I got down on my hands & knees & looked until the light began to fade & then slowly I felt the pieces of my life fall away gently & suddenly I understood what he meant & I lay there for a long time crying & laughing at the same time."
Tags: Brian Andreas Life Hanging On
I have been sober from booze (after almost dying a few weeks ago. I overdosed on purpose and was in ICU on an intubator for 3 days. Doctors didnt think I would live) for 5 days.
Yet, in those 5 days, I have turned back to narcotics. I pop my vicodin and xanax like they are going out of style. If I can't have those, I get hyped up on Adderall. And basically if I feel ANYTHING... if I feel SOBER... I feel miserable.
Why can't I like myslef? Will things ever get better? I hurt so much. I am just trying to take away all the years of pain and abuse that keep popping up in my mind and the best way to do that for me is to drink/smoke/pop pills.
I need help but rehab has never worked. I've been to 7 of them, 3 detoxes, and I cant even count the ERs and ICU time I've been in.
I need life. I don't want life.. But I do.
Tags: Drugs Alcohol Booze Narcotics
