So I was able to talk things out with my husband and we have reached a better understanding of one anothers positions during this deployment. It's hard for us both and I can't wait for it to be over! We both agreed to have a bit more understanding for each other and to do our best to make time for one another to connect by internet. I felt very good about the way the conversation went and our communication with one another.

Living on a very small and rural Army post in Bavaria Germany has it's challenges. They have a very small AA group here (five male soldiers) but I can't say that it's "soberity" filled. Last week all five of the AA members here on this army post went out to a Volksfest and got drunk together. The "anonymity" factor is also not respected at the AA meetings here on this post..So, needless to say it's not a healthy, comfortable, or safe place for me to attend or participate. 

This has left me to find my AA connections all on line. I have looked around from some good AA meetings on line but when I go to the chat rooms they have been empty..I am sure it has alot to do with the 9 hour difference between me and the states as well...SO, if anyone out there can recommend a good place to go to on line meetings or just open chat for recovery. Please let me know..

Also, is it possible to have a sponcer on line?

thanks..

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Thanks everyone again for the advise and wisdom. I did use "I" statements to share with my hubby how "I" was feeling. And I did make the decision that I was not going to wait around when he says he is going to call or get on messenger. It's not really possible for me to use a friends messenger because all the husbands are deployed in this little army post so she has her messanger up and waiting for her husband.

 I thought about it and feel that when I wait around and he doesn't keep the times he scheduled I sit myself up to feel resentful. So I won't change my plans anymore, even when he asks me to. Instead, I will send him an email and let him know the times I will be available at home for im or phone calls. And I guess that if that makes him "angry" those are his feelings to own..

Today, over all, was a pretty good day..I finally finished my finals for this term and am looking forward to the next two weeks off to spend some time with friends and the kids enjoying the beautiful weather we have had here in Bavaria!

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Hi again..Thanks everyone for your supportive words and encouragement they are so greatly needed and appreciated..

So my hubby has been deployed since August of 2007. Latley, he will make "dates" to call me or chat with me on instant messenger and then not do either. I can understand that he gets busy over there and thinks happen but it's the fact that he doesn't all the time now..

He called yesterday and made a "im date" with me for last night. My friend invited me over to watch a movie at her house but I turned her down because I had the IM date with hubby on line. Yeah...He never got on line...again..However I saw that he has a comment on his my space from his sister going on about how nice it was to talk to him...

Guess he decided that talking to his evil sister was more important then keeping his IM date with me..You know what? That really hurts my feelings and causes me to feel "stood up" , "blown off" and taken for granted..I feel resentful...very resentful right now..

 So I have been contemplating sending him an email explaining how I feel when he doesn't keep our phone or internet dates..And to explain to him that I won't rearrange my plans to sit by the phone or computer when he says he is going to make contact with me anymore. It just screws up my schedule and my plans and I end up feeling resentful...Right now...I have to take care of myself and avoid allowing myself to be set up for feeling resentment..thats one of my main drinking triggers..

Any wisdom or advice would be most appreciated..thanks everyone!

Tags: Hurt And Resentment

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How do I get past the overwhelming sence of shame and remorse I feel? All the sh**ty things I have said to my family when I have been drunk..How can I ever get past that? How can they? I feel so much shame and remorse that I would just like to crawl in a hole and hide some where..I never want to have to hear anyone say to me.."Do you remember what you said to me last night?" I never want to hurt them again...I just feel devestated and like there is a huge aching hole in my chest...I never want to feel this way ever again..

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  I am new here so I just wanted to hi to everyone. If anyone can direct me to any GREAT on line meetings for AA please let me know. I am on a very rural Army post in Bavaria Germany and we don't have alot in the way of physical AA meetings here. This is day one and I really need all the support I can get.

Thanks

Tags: Life

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