Having finally admitted to myself that my spending habits have become an addiction I realise there may well be underlying causes. I checked out BBC 3's spendaholisc site which has pointed out two potential underlying problems that I may need to deal with:
1. The wounded body: Many women grow up deeply traumatised by other people’s reactions and comments about their bodies. They long for their inner-swan and shop to compensate, but getting the right 'look' never heals the scars of those insults
and
2. Loss: If you’ve suffered blows to your emotional security, you may be unable to bear financial security.
As a child I was always on a diet, I was never the right size, where my sister wore pretty dresses I had sack like shapeless things made for me. As a teenager I hated my height and longed to be small. When I look back my size 12 figure on a 6' frame was almost model like but I was unaware of that. Now many years later I still struggle with my looks, and spending to look good is a constant temptation!
My parents divorced when I was 12, since than I have also lost a baby to still birth and have a son with a major medical condition. Some drink to forget translated easily to some spend to forget in my case.
I am powerless of this addiction and I need help.
I am finaly owning up to my own problems, over years now I have used spending, just buying myself another little treat to fill in the gaps in my life. They never lastand the financial problems which I create are becoming more and more severe.
I do not want to live like this anymore, I want to find contentement and fulfilment in God, I want to become the person He has created me to be and not simply one who is always draining away her potential through worry. I want to drop my competent masks, and to life a life that is open, vulnerable and transformed. More than anything I want to stop hurting my family. I want to learn to be without stuff to prop me up, and to open the post without fears of yet another demand for money that I have already spent!
Tags: Overspending Recovery Reality
