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Viewing 1 - 9 out of 9 Blogs.
im back !!
been a whiles yes but i left things for a while and tried to survive on my own, its been a tough road and has had many ups and downs but for the best part im getting settled in my life , just sumtimes i realise that being here and talking is the biggest help
love you all
Ian
Tags: Life Drink Drugs Adiction
For me recovery has been a long slow process with alot of pit fulls along the wasy but the one thing i am starting to realise is that no matter what I have to learn to be kinder to myself. Having bipolar and addictions issues means alot of the time i have been dwelling on my past and thing i have done wrong I guess my friend who is also in recovery told me u cant be perfect and you cant be everything to everyone. Just learn from when u make a mistake be humble enough to realise that. I know that its part of my make up to beat myself up to easy and i have to accept that im never going to be an angel but better 90% good then 90% bad
Tags: Reflective
before i realised i was an alcholic i guess i was much like every 1 else looking down my nose at the guy on the street with his can thinking " poor bas***d look at him at keast i aint that bad" but now i look at him and think " god poor bloke i hope he gets better cos i know how it feels to be chasing oblivion" today i realised that the samew prejuces towards people with a drink or drug addiction still exsist. I went for a job interview and was doing really well so i thought , until they asked me " have you ever been sacked from a job" now i could lie and say nope , never have , never will be and get the job but in my heart know i wasnt entirely honest. Or i could tell them the truth , yes i did get scaked from one job, due to the fact I had split with my girlfriend, strat drinking alot and missed work because of it so honesty always pay does it ??? nope , not a bit of it i didnt get the job purely on that , in fact as it is through an agnecy i dont even have any way of doing a thing right now im not annoyed, im not angry , i am absoultyly bloody fuming
Tags: Angry
Well its monday morning and after everything been said and done i know what happened at the weekend and i guess in my heart i know why it happened It wasnt the fact i wanted to fall off, it was me trying to run before i could walk, i missed having a buzz in my life at the minute, i know alot of people say there faith gives them that kinda buzz, but me i just cant seem to find that in me right now Oops , i kinda started that story half way through didnt i, well on satrurday , i screwed up in as many different ways as its possible to screw up I drank I smoked I took ectasy I snorted ketamine i smoked weed I guess i know why i did it was being back in brighton with all the people i know from there i wanted the buzz back that a good night out used to give me doing all this stupid things i used to I thought i had it all out my system after that , im ade myself very sick through mixing my drink and taking drugs, thought oh now i did that i wouldnt be tempted again However that ftheory has not been helped by loosing my job today well if any thing has positve has come from this at least i learned thast i cant be who i was before, im an addict plain and simple but with help i will get better thanks xxxxx
Tags: Disappointed
 I have written a few blogs now and told u a little bit about mer but one thing i havent blogged about is stuff about being sober that are good
1) I wake up every day with out the fear off oh my god what i do last night 2) I get less angry stressed and upset with life in general 3) going out for a night is less expensive 4) I can win arguments with drunk people 5) im no long a slave to an addiction so everyone whats the best think for you being addiction free
Tags: Wonderful
one things that kinda intrested me and confused me was no8 ( at least i think it was ) of the 12 step program which talked about trying to list and put right those u have wronged. Been think alot recently about redemption and what i can do to balance all the things i done, im not relegious , i was once but i lost my faith maybe its still there and i will find it again so it means i can pray for forgivness,i do pray sumtimes when i remeber to mostly just to says thanks for keeping me sober. So how then do i try to get forgivness for what i done i have tried to speak to people i upset and wronged but mostly they either just dismiss with a dont worry bout it, or they wont face the subject , this being the case with my ex gf who during the 4 years together i probably hurt the most. I would love 4 her to say its ok and so we both can move on, but she wont and i feel like i cant put it right
Tags: Serene
Rigt so here i go again , just as one part of my life gets better I get another problem comin up, i guess I shouldnt complain you know compared to some people i got it easy, it just seems i never have a healthy balance of up and down , its either to up and every fantastic or really sh**ty and down. Having now quit smoking as well ass being an ex drinker for nearly six months I started to feel fairly addiction free, guess not really still have addictions just not so obvious ones. My addiction i guess is woman, im never happy unless i have a gf or if not a gf then a shag buddy. maybe its partly a sex addiction maybe its also the need to have some 1 , i miss all the stuff u have when u with a girl all the romance. I guess trying to find that again, i have lost track on what it is i truly want in a relationship, so instead of finding some 1 special i just been going 4 any 1 , what scares me the most is i havent been as careful as i should and with each new time comes another down after the intial high of find ing a girl chatting her up and having sex with her.
Tags: Reflective
I dont want to sound like one of this people that moans about everything , but im doing well so far 2 blogs 2 moans 100% record so far Its just when i quit drinking i had to change alot of my lefestyle I found out a lot of my life was revovling around booze , now i dont have that i really want to get out and do more with my life other then sit around blogging on here . The problem is money really i ran up debts through drink and am now doing my best to pay back those i owe but any one have any good suggestion on cheap or free ways to get out and do somthing
Tags: Bored
well this is my 1st blog on here so i will give u a little background on me im a recovering alcholic been clean for almost 6 months , i also suffer from deppresion and anxiety.# the problem for me is when i drunk i could block out all the feelings of inferiorty anxiety fear self loathing all i had to do was keep drinking and as long as i was drunk i never felt a thing.But it couldnt last my body decided enough was enough and 2 bottle of sherry a day with no food was really starting to F**k me up big time so I went to A.A quit the drink and thought everything was going to be ok It wasnt ... life f**ked me other once more when i found out my gf of nearly a year had been cheating on me . although god willing im still clean from booze my head is in a abad place and all my old fears and anxiety are back sometimes it harder being a an ex alcholic then an alcoholic
Tags: Depressed
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