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poohbear71
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Looking for help
Posted On 05/30/2008 11:18:48

I am looking for other people out there that suffer from mutipule illnesess and addictions. I am having trouble in life when I get sick. I seem to drive my nuts. Wondering is it my fibromyalgia? Is it my allergies, my depression? If theres anyone else out there like that? I would love to hear from you and how you cope with this. Thanks, Susan


You thought I was'nt looking a message to all parents
Posted On 05/28/2008 10:45:17

WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING

 
A message every adult should read because children
are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

 
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my
first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately
wanted to paint another one.

 
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a
stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind
to animals.

 
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my
favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little
things can be the special things in life.

 
When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a
prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always
talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.

 
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a
meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I
learned that we all have to help take care of each
other.

 
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of
your time and money to help people who had nothing,
and I learned that those who have something should
give to those who don't.

 
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care
of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have
to take care of what we are given.

 
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you
handled your responsibilities, even when you didn' t
feel good, and I learned that I would have to be
responsible when I grow up.

 
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come
from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things
hurt, but it's all right to cry.

 
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you
cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

 
When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of
life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and
productive person when I grow up.

 
When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and
wanted to say,'Thanks for all the things I saw when
you thought I wasn't looking.'

 
I AM SENDING THIS TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE I KNOW
WHO DO SO MUCH FOR OTHERS,  
BUT THINK THAT NO ONE EVER SEES.
LITTLE EYES SEE A LOT.


Each of us (parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, friend)
influences the life of a child.
 
How will you touch the life of so meone today? Just by
sending this to someone else, you will probably make
them at least think about their influence on others.
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak
kindly.

 
Leave the rest to God.


God is under the bed
Posted On 05/27/2008 14:11:24

I recieved this in a e-mail from a friend the other day and thought it was to good not to pass along.


GOD LIVES UNDER THE BED


I envy Kevin. My brother Kevin thinks God lives under his bed. At least that's what I heard him say one night.

 

He was praying out loud in his dark bedroom, and I stopped to listen, 'Are you there, God?' he said. 'Where are you? Oh, I see. Under the bed...'

 

I giggled softly and tiptoed off to my own room. Kevin's unique perspectives are often a source of amusement. But that night something else lingered long after the humor. I realized for the first time the very different world Kevin lives in.

 

He was born 30 years ago, mentally disabled as a result of difficulties during labor. Apart from his size (he's 6- f oot-2), there are few ways in which he is an adult.

 


He reasons and communicates with the capabilities of a 7-year-old, and he always will. He will probably always believe that God lives under his bed, that Santa Claus is the one who fills the space under our tree every Christmas and that airplanes stay up in the sky because angels carry them.


I remember wondering if Kevin realizes he is different. Is he ever dissatisfied with his monotonous life?

 

Up before dawn each day, off to work at a workshop for the disabled, home to walk our cocker spaniel, return to eat his favorite macaroni-and-cheese for dinner, a and later to bed.

 

The only variation in the entire s cheme is laundry, when he hovers excitedly over the washing machine like a mother with her newborn child.

 

He does not seem dissatisfied.


He lopes out to the bus every morning at 7:05, eager for a day of simple work.


He wrings his hands excitedly while the water boils on the stove before dinner, and he stays up late twice a week to gather our dirty laundry for his next day's laundry chores.

 

And Saturdays-oh, the bliss of Saturdays! That's the day my Dad takes Kevin to the airport to have e a soft drink, watch the planes land, and speculate loudly on the destination of each passenger inside. 'That one's goin' to Chi-ca r-go!' Kevin shouts as he cl aps his hands.

 

His anticipation is so great he can hardly sleep on Friday nights.

 

And so goes his world of daily rituals and weekend field trips.

 

He doesn't know what it means to be discontent.

 

His life is simple.

 


He will never know the entanglements of wealth of power, and he does not care what brand of clothing he wears or what kind of food he eats. His needs have always been met, and he never worries that one day they may not be.

 


His hands are diligent. Kevin is never so happy as when he is working. When he unloads the dishwasher or vacuums the carpet, his heart is completely in it.

 

He does not shrink from a job when it is begun, and he does not leave a job until it is finished. But when his tasks are done, Kevin knows how to relax.

 

He is not obsessed with his work or the work of others. His heart is pure.

 


He still believes everyone tells the truth, promises must be kept, and when you are wrong, you apologize instead of argue.

 

Free from pride and unconcerned with appearances, Kevin is not afraid to cry when he is hurt, angry or sorry. He is always transparent, always sincere. And he trusts God.

 

Not confined by intellectual reasoning, when he comes to Christ, he comes as a child. Kevin seems to know God - to really be friends with Him in a way that is difficult for an 'educated' person to grasp. God seems like his closest companion.

 

In my moments of doubt and frustrations with my Christianity I envy the security Kevin has in his simple faith.


It is then that I am most willi ng to admit that he has some divine knowledge that rises above my mortal questions


It is then I realize that perhaps he is not the one with the handicap . I am. My obligations, my fear, my pride, my circumstances - they all become disabilities when I do not trust them to God's care

 

Who knows if Kevin comprehend s things I can never learn? After all, he has spent his who le life in that kind of innocence, praying after dark and soaking up the goodness and love of God.


And one day, when the mysteries of heaven are opened, and we are all amazed at how close God really is to our hearts, I'll realize that God heard the simple prayers of a boy who believed that God lived under his bed.


Kevin won't b e surprised at all!


My Page
Posted On 05/20/2008 08:40:00

Hi there!
Just wanted to let everyone know I got my page fixed. God bless my daughter for trying but her idea did not work out. Anyways, I've been going to meetings and feeling somewhat better. I have a counsleing appointment later today and a med appointment sometime next month. I am looking forward to a long weekend coming up and going camping. Its so nice to get away from it all for a few days. Im spending the rest of this week getting the trailer ready and its almost done. Just a little more painting to do and then its just stocking it. Mainly I am just trying to keep busy and work on getting stuff done off of my project list.  Anways, take care and have agreat day.........Susan





God is control not me
Posted On 05/15/2008 13:25:39

Well, I am trying to keep reminding me of this. I had an appointment with my counsleor the other day and we agreed that I need to up my meds a bit its still going to be a bit before they kick in. I need to make it to a meeting but its hard to get out of here. Excuses I know. I ment to go this morning but the kids killed that idea once again. I love being able to blog in here and talk to other people. Its making this part of my journey so much more bearable. In the meantime I just keep puting one foot in fron of the other. Hope everybody has a great day. I am going to get off of here and do something on my projects list......Oh yeah I almost forgot, my daughter is going to be designing my page for me so I am anxious to see what she does. It really touches me that I have her in my life even after the hell I created.....Bye for now guys....Susan


another day of sobriety
Posted On 05/13/2008 18:00:43

Well, another day of being sober. I had a session with my counselor today and I feel a little better. I am going to have to get into med managment again though as I cant seem to shake this depression. I am going to see if I cant get my regular doctor to give me something to get me through until I can get in to see the med nurse. I need to get to a meeting thats alot of my problem. I just cant seem to get up the energy to go. I am so tired from pretending thats everythings ok I have no energy left. I'm not sleeping well either which does not help. I am making myself get some projects done though just to keep busy. I love being here and making new firends. I even told my counselor about this place as shes in recovery and so are alot of her patients. Anyways, I am going to get off of here and get some dry clothes on. The sun roof sprung a leak in my car and  I am soaked. have a good day guys and thanks again for all the support. It makes me feel so much better knowing I am not alone out here.


3am
Posted On 05/10/2008 06:08:38

I dont know if this goes out to anyone or just me but once again its 3am and Im awake with thoughts racing through my head. Ive been on such a downer since I had not one but 2 wreaks and my daughter turned 14 all at the same time.  Now I'm so afraid to drive its not even funny  and its nto something I can saty holed up in my house about as I ned to drive. Its seems that if I take the truck out I do as its bigger but I still hate to drive and I got a derfered on the first accident and even thgouh I know its not it feels like a death sentence hangin over my head. All the court room drama and stuff has cused my PTSD to act up soemthing horiable. It brings up all those memories of all the I was mistreated by the cops and so on and so forth. As to my daughter I lost her once when she was 4-5 and I thought I was a bad parent so I left her to follow a guy out here to Washington. Only trouble was is htat he was married and not leaving his wife whichi knew but did not care. Then a couple of years later I got her back only to lose her agin when dad wanted to move out of state and cuse I wias doing drugs the judge let her. So, now she lives far awaay and for the most part Im an internet/phone parent except for the precious times I get to see her. Whats so hard is that when she left everyone told me not to worry that when she got older he would want her noce clean and sober mom. Well, she turned 14 last week and no intentions of wanting to live with mom and that really hurts and once again drage up the PTSD and all the bd memories that go with it and seem to run through my head like a bad movie on permanent rewind. So, I am in counseling, been ther for 5-6 years now and everytime I think I am ready to quit we find something else to work on. We just did a forth and fifth step which was noce but out my anger problm so thats my new treatment goal. Several months ago I went in and saw the med nurse and they wanted to give me a low end anti-depressent just to boost the one Im taking a little buit so I can mange better. I said so, its situal depression not my episodal depression Im fine. After this past week I decided to go ahead adn try it as I m so tired of the daily fight I go through in my head jsut to keep up with things. Well, hiubby found out and went off the deep end calling me a quitter saying Im just using the meds like a crutch. Something Ive done all my life weather it was drugs, men, food you name it. Yesterday I wanted a drink so bad I was going bonkers. I need to quit making excuses and get to a meeting. Anyways, I am going ot try the new med and see if it helps or if hubbys right and then I will quit. I just know I have to do something as I cant take much more of this war in my head and all the other crap that goes on when your suffering from major depression issues, PTSD, and anxiety probs. Have a good night.





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