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Viewing 1 - 9 out of 9 Blogs.
Going to the doctor on Tuesday I haven’t been eating or sleeping, crying all day, lost 15 pounds in a week ... with the divorce and sobriety I’m just sick. I miss my married life so much. Sorry for the pitty party. I haven't even been to meeting just sitting home friend come over and I really just want them gone. Feeling like s**t really. Stop working on my four steps, it makes me more depressed. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I know there are others that are worse off than me. Hoping that the doctor would just put me out of my misery like a wounded animal. Done all of healing classes, self help, it's all a bunch of Bull sh*t but blah blah blah once again. knowing time will heal and god, I say Bull Sh*t. Death seems to be the only way out of this hurt!!!! I know it is because of Depression, and I know things will get better. But that’s all Bull sh*t it. I have no desire to do get high, depression is my high now, bull sh*t God help ME. I ask everyone to say a pray for me. Help
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Calm
Posted On 01/31/2009 13:54:40
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Keeping it together -- no matter how difficult that happens to be -- is your best for me now. The good news is that no matter what I'm feeling I will be able to put out nothing but calm, cool and collected. Just for Today!
Thanks to everyone
XOXOXOX
BiG HUGS
Tracy
Thanks to everyone, you have help me though some ruff days.
Thank YOU
^j^
Tracy
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Help me
Posted On 01/10/2009 12:25:29
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Thing are not going very well for me. My life doesn't to seem to go any were but down. My husbad of eight years have left me for and other girl, all because of my and his different in are soberity. I'm not sure I can deal with this, it hurt so bad and i'm very hurt and scared to deal with all this. I do my grateful, I pray and nothing seem to help me... Feel so depressed I ask for help from anyone that give me hope!!
lost and alone
Tracy
Having a hard time, my roommates that live in MY house are still using, I tell them that I don't want them or the D around, but still it happens.... they sneak and hide and pretend that they are not using, am I just paranoid...or stupid...I'm and addict.
Tracy
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Fired
Posted On 11/12/2008 14:41:58
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Fired my god,
Last night as I was sitting outside doing my meditation Usual I pray to a star, but this night I decide to try a new God, it seem that my old god was tired of all my whining. Look around and decide to talk to the cable box in front of my house, I sat there, Hi my name is trace, sat there waiting for a reply and the cable box no s**t it seem to me that it could hear me Crazy huh. I didn’t cry I felt really strong and at easy last nights, after talking to my New God.
Love You 
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Without
Posted On 11/11/2008 14:40:11
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At night I sit home alone, call my sponser, but she never answer, I've been having a pitty party for the last few month, alone a fu-king mess, always crying. I keep praying to god, but he can with sit me, I'm starting go crazy talking to my self night after night, I wish the my lonelyness to go away, night time put me in a Panic I hate the nights.
I'm without my drug friends I'm without the drug without a life. So when is it going to get better? I'm feeling sorry for myself, Getting tired of praying and nothing happens, yes I'm staying sober. Yes I go to meeting But I'm without friends. I miss my Drug friends, I don't know how to have sober friend.
Please help
Tracy 
Courage Page 316
"Our newly found faith serves as a firm foundation for courage in the future."
Basic Text, p.93
Narcotics Anonymous is no place for the faint of heart! Facing life on life's terms without the use of drugs isn't always easy. Recovery requires more than hard work; it requires a liberal dose of courage.
What is courage, anyway? A quick look at a dictionary will tell us. We have courage when we face and deal with anything that we think of as difficult, dangerous, or painful, rather than withdrawing from it. Courage means being brave; having a purpose; having spirit. So what is courage, really? Courage is an attitude, one of perseverance.
That's what an addict in recovery really needs-perseverance. We make that commitment to stick with our program, to avoid using, no matter what happens. A courageous addict is one who doesn't use, one day at a time, no matter what. And what gives us courage? A relationship with a Higher Power gives us the strength and the courage to stay clean. We know that, so long as we are in our God's care, we will have the power we need to face life on its own terms.
Just for Today: I have a Higher Power who cares for me, no matter what. Knowing that, I will strive to have an attitude of courage today.
I ask god for the help I need to be strong. 
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