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hi everyone, yes i failed after 6 years of being clean. today will be one day again. i had a freak accident at a pool, i jump off the diving board and tore a muscle in my calf. couldnt go to doctors, but my friend at the time gave me pain medication, said it would be alright. well that 1 day turned into 7 months. i had 3 different people giving me pills. when that ran out, i started stealing my 12 year olds adhd medication, this has gone on for 4 months now. my wife confronted me last night, she said things that made me angry, this isnt all my fault, ive been up all night now. i removed facebook and myspace this morning. im adding this site back. im wanting on her decsion if our 5 year relationship is over and chance of losing my 4 year and 12 year old sons. she said i didnt understand the feelings she felt. i didnt until this morning about 5 am. i lied to her, stole,dishonest,blaming everybody else in the family for their faults. preaching to my sons when i wasent doing the same thing i was telling them. i completely put the program of recovery on the back burner, way on back. i didnt believe this could happen to me. im so heartbroken that i hurt my family, and lost my wifes trust. this was the third time she spoke with me about this behavior, i cant expect her to trust me, but i really feel the pain and hurt,dishonesty that she feels. i felt i needed to write this and not be afraid of what was said to me about this. i have never felt this sorry fir something i did to hurt a love one as i do right now. my biggest problem was i couldnt forgive myself for the relasped. i believe that will be my work for today.

my problem is my mother in law is always talking behind my back. weve since moved out of her house into our own 3 bed 2 bath, it such a blessing. i told her i would help her with money, she on a set income every month. but since all this went down, i dont want to do anything for her, the use to be friend across the street from her is talking trash also, she said alot of things about me to me that i didnt feel was right, calling me names, and them doing the same things she said that i was. i dont talk to either of them now. my question is should i still help my mother in law, because we did stay there for awhile i payed her when i could, should i stick to my words and help her for a little bit, or just stay away?

do you ever feel that life is more then you can handle? i lost my job to a swimming flop, i tore a muscle in my leg, couldnt afford to go to doctors, that was 3 weeks ago. i am looking for a job but very little is out there. im trying to keep the faith, im looking for a new church, praying more. i miss being in fla. my friends and foundation is there. me and my family are ready, but we cant, no money. just got a truck 3 months ago, on verge of losing it. but hay we all lose things in life to gain more in trust of jesus christ. just feels like ev erything i work hard for is falling apart. one good thing 6 years sober 22nd of july.

hey all u who are my recovering friends, i will be moving to fla dec 26, thats my home, its where i got sober. i might not have a computer for awhile so bear with me, i will get back as soon as i can, i love the friends i have here, its nice that people care about each other as we do here. keep in touch. my wife will have 4 years jan 13.

Tags: Serene

to try and make a change, i do my best but when some problem comes anlong i dont handle it as i should, why cant i? i have faith in my god, am i not letting go, or do i want to handle the problem my self. today i will give it to god and take one day at a time.

Tags: Serene