i'm doing my first 4th step as a sponsor.

any suggestions?  i've been reading the big book and 12/12.  (of course)

should i just listen??? can i comment???  don't forget assets!!!

all input welcome.  thanks.  :)

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i'm having people problems.  it hurts.  my first instict is to retaliate, lash out, be mean.

upon spending MORE time alone i realize that isn't the right way.  that's the way of the flesh.  i'm trying very hard to live by the spiritual way.

man, does it hurt.  i also realize this problem could be in my own head. 

i can only work on me.  i can only change me.  accept everything else, accept what i can't change and do what is right, not what i want.

and pray, and wait and hope i gain peace w/ the situation.

just spilling a bit.  thanks.

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i am thankful i'm a mother.
i am thankful i have a mother who does the best she knows how to.
i am thankful i have God in my life and i pray my children learn to have their own relationship with God.

thank you God.

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there is some major change going on in our household.  an undependable sitter leading to frequent missed work.  the necessaryy facts:  new sitter vs new job vs no job, no sitter.

i remembered - God is my Provider, my Teacher, my Guide, my Caretaker and Caretaker of my family, my Friend, my Savior...He is all i need.

i need to trust and surrender to Him.  everything will be fine under Him.  i pray i recognize His lead and i put 'self' away so i can follow Him.

i feel so good and secure knowing this.  i love life and it's challenges.  bring it on!!!!!

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i can't sleep.  this is unusual for me.  usually my head hits the pillow and i'm out. 

i'm struggling w/ being right vs happy i guess.  if i'm not sleeping, i'm not happy.  and i have thoughts spinning in my head over some silly little issue.

it really is silly and minor.  a little embarrassed to amdit what i'm loosing sleep over.  i'm hoping once i get it out i can sleep, so here goes....

my daughter is having a party soon.  her cousins dad called wanting his daughter to bring a friend.  i find this weird, rude and lacking of taste.  if i let this cousin bring a friend, what about the other cousins?  or even the birthday girls sister bringing a friend?  these are 7 year olds.  the more the crazier.  where is the character building and making of friends?   i just don't think it's right or fair.

so my question....do i want to be right or sleeping (happy)?

i don't have the support of my husband either.  hence adding to the sleep issue.  it's his side of the family by the way.  i am way different than my in laws and we have had issues befoe.  i'll save that for much needed marriage counseling.

earlier i was sure i wanted to be right.  now i'm thinking i just want to be happy.  next year we'll just have family over for dinner and not at the kid party.  leason learned.

thanks for listening.  i'm leaning towards happy vs right.  i cannot control people and yes, some are quite amazing.

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here i sit in my pj's.  the kids are already tucked in and asleep.  as i'm kissing their heads i realize this is the 2nd year that i wasn't concerned about being involved w/ some kind of party so i could get drunk.  i also wasn't encouraging a toddler to stay up till midnight.  boy, i made some stupid decisions using alcohol.

last year was my first sober holiday.  being new and green to recovery, it was hazy.  this year is so real and awesome.  i can feel it.  really feel it.  the peace of the celebration.  all of it.  it's ineffable.

i'm so glad to be a part of the aa fellowship. 

knowing that i won't last til midnight makes me grin.

i'm also touched that i'm able to babble here.  thank you everyone and bless you.

Tags: Happy

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so it took a few days for it to sink in, then i acutally read it:

gratitude, service and sacrifice. ('The 24 Hours a Day' book rocks!)

not just in aa, but in life.  that is so true. and difficult to keep in this selfish head of mine.

i have gratitude down pat (usually).  service is a balance between myself, family and work.  now sacrifice - that is a word i don't normally practice.

to make this short and sweet, i've been really trying to get out of  myself.  and that does work!  not just in the fellowship of aa, but living life all around me.  :)

on another note, picture this:  i usually exercise on an elliptical every morning.  i like to close my eyes and communicate with God during this time. 

the hotel we stayed at had a treadmill.  awesome!  i'm on the treadmill getting into my zone and close my eyes.  giving thanks for my great mood, family, vacation and the next thing i knew i went flying backwards, landed on my arse and broke the rear panel/roller. 

ouch!  what was i thinking?  omgoodness!  hilarious and painfully stupid.  these are two completely different machines.  obviously i was more comfortable than i should of been, with myself and surroundings.  stay your toes jodi!

just another example of some painful things i experience before i learn a lesson!

life is good! God Bless.  :)

Tags: Happy

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This is so awesome.  My second sober Christmas.  Now this is how it was meant to be.

If I'm dragging, that's only cuz the kids (hubby included) got up way too early.  :)

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'what is wrong with you?'  i'm asked. 

good question.  i've come to the conclusion that i'm not letting go of some character defects:  selfishness and criticism.

this is the season to celebrate the gift of love, peace and forgiveness. 

well, i don't know if i can love tenderly.  and the reason for that is i'm not sure i'm ready and willing to let go of these defects.  i guess it all depends on how miserable i am with them compared to with out them.  make sense?

sadly i realize if i can't give this tender love, someone else could.  we all derserve to be loved tenderly.

so today i pray for the willingness to let go if these defects...and what shall be will still be, only on  a happier note.

thanks everyone for letting me dump.

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