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For those of you who didn't know my dad, picture a heavyset bald dude with a greying beard and a twinkle in his eye who's just a tad crazier than I am. Now picture this dude chasing a 15 year old me around the backyard with a shovel that contains a dead mouse. Yesterday our basement drain and sump pump backed up, and caused a lot more water than I'm used to in the basement. I, of course, freaked out and my mom had to get the neighbor dude over to use his calm head to figure out some very simple plug thing involving the sump pump. During my freak out session, I was screaming and yelling at my dad for leaving me with this darn house and all it's normal house problems. (he died in late 2006) His revenge? A dead mouse washed out from behind something down here. It would be disgusting if it wasn't linked to a history of hilarity involving mice and my dad's crazy-ass sense of humor. That is all. 
I think I could have died. What a glamorous death it would have been, too. Went to work like normal, then spent the rest of the day after work cleaning up vomit out of sheets and blankets and the floor.
I'm done. I can't live like that anymore.
Still on step two though I guess. Sorry I've been M.I.A. lately. I shall be around more...
I wanna start playing my guitar again. I played for ten minutes last night, and my fingers hurt, not like that's a bad thing. I'm also taking a class that starts in October. I'm excited and a bit scared.
Anyways. Hope y'all who read this are doing well and are staying dry if you live in certain parts of the U.S.
Well I made it a week without getting drunk. I had a glass of wine at Chili's... Saturday? I was pissed at nothing, but that's no excuse. Didn't get drunk though, so I'm still counting last Friday as my "sobriety date".
Since I made it a week though, I've decided to get my eyebrow re-pierced and if the artist has time, I'm going to get my tattoo touched up.
I'm really excited. My new phone also has a "D-Day counter" on it (weird name, but meh) so I can put a count-up since my sobriety date on it. Now every time I look at my phone I see, not only my boyfriend's face, I see D+6. Tomorrow it will say D+7, and it'll be a week. I haven't been to an AA meeting recently, but I haven't felt like I've needed it for some reason.
Maybe I can make it without AA. However, I am not adverse to going back if I feel like I need to.
Piercing number 12 in 26 hours! =D
Dinnertime now. Adios.
Poured another half bottle out. Here's to a long-ass day at work.
I'm going to an AA meeting tonight. Hopefully I'll find a sponsor one of these days...
Hope y'all have a good day =)
I guess I didn't totally realize that people actually read this stuff. I completely forgot I wrote that blog last night.
The boyfriend went from wanting to go out to a hookah bar tonight to not even wanting to see me tonight in a matter of five minutes. I think something happened at work. I don't think he's mad at me, I just hate knowing he's upset or disgruntled about something, and I don't know what it is, nor can I do anything about it.
Not that I can do anything about anything anyways.
I'm still going back and forth about telling my mom about this little "problem" I have.
I remember thinking when I'd be really depressed before I was legally able to acquire alcohol, that it's a good thing I couldn't get it easily, or else I'd be f***ed. I was probably 15 or 19 or something? Now I can get it, and my situation is worse, in that I'm all alone in my house care/caregiving duties to my mother and my friend/mentor/father is gone.
Okay, I should go to the grocery store. I should probably dump out my vodka when I get back.
The wedding I went to, the bride danced with her daddy. I didn't cry, but I drank a lot.
I don't know what to do.
My mom seemingly has no clue what's going on. I confessed I drove home drunkish. She doesn't know I drink alone in the basement.
My boyfriend tried half-assedly to keep me from drinking. I don't think he knows what to do, or knows how to do it.
He's not perfect, and neither was my father.
I'm so scared of losing him. I miss my partner when he's not next to me, and I miss my daddy when he probably is next to me.
I should go to sleep.
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