This site is not very intuitive. I have so much trouble finding my way around it.
Anyway, I just wanted to post a note, because I've been away for a while.
Updates: I recently moved to Chicago, I attended my third CoDA meeting on Saturday, and I'm doing fairly decently. I'm concentrating on art and art-related things, I've got ideas for a novel that I'm going to start researching soon, and life is generally decent.
I am living with my sister, who's also codependent and is in that denial stage (the I don't need a Higher Power at all, I've got it covered)--she knows there's something wrong, but hasn't gotten to the understanding that her life is unmanageable part yet. So send good thoughts/good energy/prayers her way.
And while I did decide to finally get off my butt and attend my first meeting because I wanted to help "save" her, it was more along the lines of The only way I can truly help her is by helping myself.
So that's good, I think.
I oughtn't to beat myself up for screwing up--I'm doing much better than I was a year ago. I mostly know what I'm doing, as I do it, even if I can't stop it; I'm understanding my feelings very quickly after I feel them; and I feel remorse.
--Excerpt from my pen-and-paper journal
I often wish I was an alcoholic or something similar. It seems to me so much easier. How long have I been sober? Well, when was the last time I had a drink?
But having an addiction that revolves around people is messy. Some interactions are clearly "using", but not all.
I don't know how to have conversations anymore. When someone complains about something, and I want to offer some advice, help out in some way, I have to bite my tongue.
Blah. Anyway. I just joined this group, I'm hoping it will help. I'm moving soon, to Chicago, partly because I've had a lot of trouble with doing much toward recovery here. There's lots of AA meetings, and not much else. There's a fair amount of Al-Anon meetings, which my ex (in AA) recommended I try out, but the timing of most of them suck.
Anyway.
Tags: Lonely
