Do you get all weird at night? I still do. I'm single now and in my own place, and I thought it would be difficult - but it isn't. And at night...

I don't always like who I am, but I am comforable with my failings (others less so!) because I now know that I am not a bad man. Just a fallable one.

Night time can be weird for me.

But it's good weird.

love and fluffies,

col

Tags: Sleepless Insomnia Weird Peace

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I'm very new to this site, and I wanted to put out a thank you to all those here. I'm still selfish and self-willed and a whole host of other unpleasant stuff, and gratitude has a good way of veering around me most times.

However...

Many of you have really helped me lately, at a time when I've found it particularly difficult to connect with people face to face - and I am (he's says through only slightly gritted teeth) grateful.

Take a bow, please, cos you know who you are.


col  

Tags: Gratitude People Connecting

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I live in a shared house with 5 other alcoholics and I've been completely isolating myself for 3 days. Now, in my twisted little brain they've all been talking about me and how I'm anti-social and selfish.
I've been listening to loud music for days too, like a hormonal teenager, and they've probably had a good moan about that as well.

Well, one of them just popped a card under my door telling me to be good to myself and to take care.

I wanted to share that.

Thanks  

Tags: Hope

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Beltingly fast belts the belt
Blurring by whizzing by
Scanning seeking searching
Colours in the haze
Shapes in the stream
Words and phrases words and phrases
Themes and dreams themes and dreams
Recollections
Projections
Memories ideas memories ideas
Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared
Energy equals mass times-
Oh God
Beltingly fast belts the belt


Supine in amniotic solution
Buoys me calms me
Drifting dozing dreaming
Worlds in the lake
Heavens in the pool
Love and peace love and peace
Sated and safe sated and safe
Careless
Awareness
Shivers and tingles shivers and tingles
Amen
Amen
Oh love
Supine in amniotic solution



written in psych ward 24th Jan '08

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I can see the moon through my bedroom window, and it's almost full. Maybe in 2 days.
I'm listening to The Killers live version of Sam's Town over and over which is kinda making me cry a bit and I feel like I'm going F***ing mad.
I haven't slept in a long time, it's 1.15am I'm still drinking coffee and smoking ciggies and I wanna drink and I wanna hit someone and I wanna hurt myself and I wanna hug from my ex girlfriend and I wanna see my kids and I wanna stop my head from doing what it's doing and the moon is almost full and I'm scared. And defiant. And angry. I'm gonna put this out. Cos this doesn't feel as though it's ever gonna go away.

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I went to see my doctor today. My support worker here in the house is concerned that I've not been myself lately. Anyway, I told the doc how I've been feeling and she has prescribed me anti-depressants.
She has also referred me to the local mental health team - for a 'chat'

She says that what I describe is clinical depression, and she is aware that I am an alcoholic.

What do you guys think?

On the one hand, I feel that a lot of my problems can be dealt with in terms of my alcoholism.
On the other, I want to be treated if I also have a recognised medical condition. 
I may well accept a broken leg if I cannot change it, but I'd still go to the hospital - you know?

I would appreciate your thoughts  

Tags: Mental Health

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My last drink was Feb 7th this year. Lately (last 2 months or so) I'm finding that I'm unhappy most of the time. I want to drink often, and while the feelings around that are not necessarily getting worse, they're coming more frequently and they're lasting longer.
I'm feeling this right now. I've been holed up in my room all day, I have money in my pocket and am thinking of not going into work tomorrow (I'm only a volunteer so can take time out, and they know my situation)  cos I don't feel safe.
The usual stuff: I get angry and lonely and guilty and hopeless and sad.
I just don't want to be around people at the moment.

I miss my kids, and I miss escaping my own head.

Living inside my own skin all the time is often deeply unpleasant.

*geefly71 signs off feeling tragic and noble*

Tags: Newbie Angry Lonely

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