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Ron had a diving accident in the summer of 1967,just before he was
to begin college on a music scholarship which left him a quadriplegic.
I met him when I was a teenager playing in the church orchestra, he was our director.
I had no idea at that time what an impact this man would eventually have on my life.
I grew up in an Assembly of God church, sometime the preacher would "lay hands"
on Ron, and we would all gather around him to pray for the miracle that
he would walk again. He almost seemed embarrassed when this would happen. Later
I asked him about this. What he told me was that he had accepted his condition,
and was happy. I couldn't fathom this at all. Through my 20's I didn't
talk to him much, every few years or so, I may see him at church, or on rare
occassion go visit him. I began drinking alcoholically in my 30's, started
going to AA attempting (half-heartedly) to sober up. During this time
Ron had become bedridden. My mother suggested I
go visit Ron, even with his disabilities, he had went on to college, eventually
to receive his masters degree in Psychology. We developed a strong friendship during
this time. He never judged me, even telling me one time that he may have went
down the same path if he had went on to college then. My 1st sponsor had
told me to start writing a gratitude list every night, in my selfishness
and self centeredness, I found it hard to find anything to be grateful for.
Until I went to visit Ron one day, that night it became easy for me to
write those lists, for this was a man, confined to a bed, without the
use of his arms and legs who absolutely had the most positive outlook
on life of anyone I knew. He loved technology, loved his computer,
he had a program that he could talk into and would type the words for him.
Sometimes he would see me online late at night, and message me on AIM,
some of those times I would be drunk, again he never judged, he only offered
love and encouragement. Several years ago
he had to have both legs amputated, still, no pity party for Ron. You could
go over to visit him, thinking that you were there to cheer him up, to keep
him company......but I was ALWAYS the one that got blessed from this. He passed away yesterday afternoon, after another lengthy stay in the
hospital, one of many over the past year. The last email I got from
Ron, he kept apologizing that it took him so long to write me back. I
knew he was in the hospital. Every email, every instant message, every
visit to his home, he always welcomed me with a "Hello Beautiful"
and always was quick to tell me how proud he was of me, and what a wonderful
person I was. I've always known I have been blessed to have known him, but
I don't think it was until last night that I realized how much of an impact he has
made on me. He taught me how to see the glass half full instead of half empty,
he taught me acceptance, he taught me that nothing happens in God's
world by mistake. Although of course I am sad that he is no longer here,
I know that he wouldn't want me to be that way, so I will do my best to celebrate
his life. I will strive to pay it forward to other people, I pray that
I can be a fraction of the human being that Ron was and to try to make a difference
in someone else's life. This letter is for you Ron, I'm sending it out
to cyberspace, knowing you're out there watching. YOU were the beautiful one
Thank you for making this world a more beautiful place Ron, thank you for
being YOU, and thank you God for placing Ron in my life. Ronald Johnston
1951-2007
R.I.P.
Tags: Reflective
Main Entry: so·ber
Pronunciation: ˈsō-bər
Function: adjective
Inflected Form(s): so·ber·er -bər-ər; so·ber·est -b(ə-)rəst
Etymology: Middle English sobre, from Anglo-French, from Latin sobrius; akin to Latin ebrius drunk
Date: 14th century
1 a: sparing in the use of food and drink : abstemious b: not addicted to intoxicating drink c: not drunk
2: marked by sedate or gravely or earnestly thoughtful character or demeanor
3: unhurried, calm
4: marked by temperance, moderation, or seriousness
5: subdued in tone or color
6: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
(Websters definition of sober)
I was in a meeting the other day, and this was the topic. An "old-timer" there was expressing his opinion on "sober vs. dry" and quoted the definition of being sober, as without a drink. I don't share a whole lot in meetings, I hate the thought of everyone looking at me and being the center of attention, always have, BUT my first sponsor drilled in me that I will have that feeling in my gut when God wants me to share, and that's when I need to do it. IN that moment of silence before the serenity prayer, I always ask God to let me here what I need to hear, and to say what he wants me to say.....if the chair doesn't give a long enough "moment", then I keep my eyes closed after the prayer until I finish. This helps me a lot.....to be able to "listen to the message, not the messenger" and to give me the courage to let God speak through me. Well, this day I had that feeling my gut.....REALLY strong, so I shared something like this. I didn't have a problem getting sober......I would go for 1,3,6,9 months at a time being "sober" (if you define it as "not drinking") The problem was STAYING sober......I was miserable most of the time, white knuckling it, wearing that mask so that "you all" would think I was doing good. I couldn't just go to meetings and not drink. I had to surrender, admit my powerlessness, get into the steps to find out the causes and conditions of WHY I drank, I had to start clearing away the wreckage of my past, I learned how selfish and self-seeking I had been (and still am)......THAT was something I never thought I was, I found out differently. I had to get another woman to guide me through these steps, and tell me how she did it. There are many suggestions in this program, for a long time I didn't take those suggestions, and today they are not merely suggestions for me, there are "MUSTS" in the program that I must do on a daily basis..........I could go on and on, but for me, "Just being sober" is NOT enough..........even if I could just merely not drink every day it wouldn't be enough........there is more to life today!
Thank you all for being a part of my sobriety.
Love and Light,
Beth
Tags: Reflective
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