hello all, this book has helped me a lot this past week,  so had to share...love ya!:)

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Getting Through the Holidays

For some, the sights, signs, and smells of the holidays bring joy and a warm feeling. But, while others are joyously diving into the season, some of us are dipping into conflict, guilt, and a sense of loss.

We read articles on how to enjoy the holidays, we read about the Christmas blues, but many of us still can't figure out how to get through the holiday season. We may not know what a joyous holiday would look and feel like.

Many of us are torn between what we want to do on the holiday, and what we feel we have to do. We may feel guilty because we don't want to be with our families. We may feel a sense of loss because we don't have the kind of family to be with that we want. Many of us, year after year, walk into the same dining room on the same holiday, expecting this year to be different. Then we leave, year after year, feeling let down, disappointed, and confused by it all.

Many of us have old, painful memories triggered by the holidays.

Many of us feel a great deal of relief when the holiday is ended.

One of the greatest gifts of recovery is learning that we are not alone. There are probably as many of us in conflict during the holidays than there are those who feel at peace. We're learning, through trial and error, how to take care of ourselves a little better each holiday season.

Our first recovery task during the holidays is to accept ourselves, our situation, and our feelings about our situation. We accept our guilt, anger, and sense of loss. It's all okay.

There is no right or perfect way to handle the holidays. Our strength can be found in doing the best we can, one year at a time.

This holiday season, I will give myself permission to take care of myself.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher.

The Language of Letting Go is available for purchase in our online bookstore.

Make Language of Letting Go my default Thought for the Day Category.

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Hello all

I just want to add to Sober Bub's blog some insight. I am very disappointed, actually pretty pissed, at all of the people who were judgmental towards our friend, and also to all of the pervs on this site that made her feel uncomfortable. SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!!!

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A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together."
~ Garrison Keillor (1942-), American author. 'Exiles,' Leaving Home (1987).


Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect."
~ Oren Arnold



Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it 'white'."
~ Bing Crosby (1904-1977), American singer and film actor.



Do give books - religious or otherwise - for Christmas. They're never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal."
~ Lenore Hershey


It comes every year and will go on forever. And along with Christmas belong the keepsakes and the customs. Those humble, everyday things a mother clings to, and ponders, like Mary in the secret spaces of her heart."
~ Marjorie Holmes, American writer.



The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others' burdens, easing other's loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas."
~ W. C. Jones


Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas."
~ Peg Bracken.



This is the message of Christmas: We are never alone."
~ Taylor Caldwell (1900-1985), English novelist.

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......what to do with myself. Today after I left from meeting with my sponsor, I realized I don't have s**t to do. I aint too thrilled about it. I have been coasting along, going with the flow for the past 5 days or so, getting done what needed to be done, feeling very peaceful and then...BAM! Now what?! argh. Going to meetings is a give-in each day, but what else? Today, I just don't know. I feel a bit squirrely, and I don't really like it, but I guess I'll just have to deal with it and know that "this too shall pass". I really, really enjoyed the past 5 days or so of peace though. waaaahhhhhh, whimper, whine, ha, LOL! I am killing time on the net right now, cuz I don't know what else to do with myself. I've got some Christmas things to finish I suppose, but I want to DO something....i don't know what, guess i am just restless. Oh well. Thanks for listening to me whine:)
Peace to all of you
-Jessie

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I came across this meditation in my book today "Twenty-Four Hours a Day" and felt it needed to be shared.

Meditation for the Day

Today can be lived in the consciousness of God's contact, upholding you in all good thoughts, words, and deeds. If sometimes there seems to be a shadow on your life and you feel out of sorts, remember that this is not the withdrawal of God's presence, but only your own temporary unwillingness to realize it. The quiet gray days are the days for doing what you must do, but know that the consciousness of God's nearness will return and be with you again, when the gray days are past.

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At my AA meeting tonight, i was reminded by a wise woman of the importance of making gratitude lists. It has been a while since I have made one. I thank God everyday, but lately have been feeling a disconnect from God. Another woman at the same meeting afterward told me to "Pray from here (pointing to my heart) instead of from here (pointing to my head)." I smiled and said i'd give it a shot. I did. I cried when I did it and I felt a bit closer to Him than I have been. Just a friendly reminder that God does indeed speak to us through others. I don't know how this list is gonna go, but I am open to suggestions today, so I'm giving it a shot. Couldn't hurt, might help.

I am thankful for my animals. If it weren't for them I would be alone in this house right now.

I am thankful I have a car so I can go to meetings whenever I want or need to.

I am thankful that the area I live in has a HUGE recovery community. A lot of active women in the area.

I am thankful for this site:)

I am thankful for my cigaretts. Yes I know they are bad, but I am thankful for them anyway HA!

I am thankful for milk and cookies, Michelina's Risotti, and Stouffers Turkey Tetrazzini, without which I probably would starve to death today.

I am thankful for this rank smelling candle in my room that is giving me a headache that i am about to blow it out and throw away:) -pausing to do so-

I am thankful that I have a back up candle that hopefully wont cause the same problem.

I am thankful that the heat works in my house and my car.

I am thankful to be done with this semester.

I am thankful for all of my closest friends, without them I would not be sober and possibly not alive.

I am thankful for my the little things. They make up my existence.

I am thankful for my big ass fu**ed up family:)

I am thankful for people that stick around on this site so it has some old and familiar faces, and I am thankful for the new ones cuz there is hope there.

Up above line ditto for AA.

I am thankful for the lessons i learn each day, even when they hurt, especially when they hurt because therein lies the greatest lessons, as long as i don't use.
I am thankful for recovery literature.

I am super thankful for my sponsor.

I am thankful that I have a computer now to write this log in the comfort of my own home:)

I am thankful for changing of seasons. I feel I learn more about myself with each one.

I am thankful I have a working phone. I don't always pick it up, but if I need to, I know it's there to help me to connect to recovery and fellowship.

I am thankful my dog is mean and big because I feel safe and comfortable when he is around. And he is always around, as long as I am home:)

I am thankful for my cat, who helps me keep it simple just by looking at her:)

Guess I had more than I thought I might to put on this list:) I am thankful for that:)

I am thankful for God in my life, without which nothing on this list would be possible. I wouldn't even be here to write it.


I love you all my recovering friends. Pray from the heart, not the mind, and make a gratitude list:) Thank you:)

God Bless
-Jessie

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1. Are you in love?
Nope

2. Ever kissed anyone with the name birthday?
Not that I am aware of

3. Are you watching TV?
I dont watch tv, dvd's occasionally

4. if you were given a drug test right now would u pass?
yup, unless it test for caffeine!;)

5. Do you know anyone in jail/prison?
intimately

6. Do you like the color green?
sure

7. Whats your full name?
not gonna happen, it's a need to know basis

8. Who were the last 3 people to send you a text message or message on the computer?
Voldemort, Josie and Brie

9. Ever drove into the ghetto to buy drugs?
But of course!

10. Last restaurant you went to?
Little Ceasars? It was a riot, i was waiting for my "Hot and Ready" Pizza, and i hate a great time with they guys there while i was waiting. it was a random breathe of fresh air, courtesy of My Creator:)

11. Last voicemail you received?
Voldemort

12. What did you do yesterday?
In school all day, handed in two papers and finished a final exam. Farted around on the internet last night for a while because i have NO HOMEWORK for the next few weeks!!! Yesterday was my last day of classes for the semester:) Hallelujah! Oh yeah, went to a meeting, but that's a daily reprieve....a friend woke me up from across the country so that i wouldn't miss my last day of classess....:)God Bless him

13. What's the first thing you would do with five million dollars?
Go to Starbucks....HA! i'm such an addict

14. How many hours did you sleep lastnight?
12? i had some catching up to do

15. Who was the last person that you felt was stalking you?
someone i have forgiven and moved on from

16. Have you ever been on a school's track team?
middle school, until i picked up smoking. went from a 6 minute mile to a 15 minute mile HA

17. Do you have any piercings?
lip

18. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, would you?
hells yes!!!

19. Do you swear at your parents?
AT them? no. around them? yeah

20. Is your phone right beside you?
on my nightstand

21. Have you cried today?
thank God no

22. Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
only if they are dreaming, it's 3am

23. What is the color of your bedsheets?
beige with acorns on them, they are very durable since my dog sleeps with me and likes to fu** them up, i go through bedsheets more than the average joe

24. Have you ever crawled through a window?
oh yes

where the hell is 25???

26. What do you spend most of your money on?
cigaretts, gas and food

27. What was the last thing you did?
redid my profile page

28. Do you have a tattoo?
not yet

29. Is there a secret you've never told any of your friends?
no, we are only as sick as our secrets, that's the truth!

30. Ever told someone you love them and didnt mean it?
not sure, when people in AA say "love you" i may say it back even though i don't know them and they don't know me, but i dunno if that counts

31. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
many times

32. Are/were your parents married/divorced/separated?
which parents? I don't have 8 parents because they all stayed or got married.....

33. What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?
if you can do it, good for you. i can't do it.

34. What objects are around you right now?
my bed, i'm on it, it's the only place i can hack into internet that i don't pay for

35. What's on the walls of your room?
inspirational sh**, a cross, a calendar, pictures

36. Are you a genuinely happy person?
i don't really know "those" kind of people...

37. Do you have trust issues?
of course! doesn't everyone?

38. What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
going to a meeting? waking up, Lord willing. hopefully NOT sleeping all day like i did today

40. Where's the last place you went?
Blockbuster

41. What's your favorite thing to do?
sleep HA

42. What do you miss right now?
shrug

43. Song lyrics stuck in your head?
none, the radio is playing

44. What are you doing this weekend?
visiting with my momma and my grandparents:) church, meetings

45. Two emotions your having now?
hunger and backache...guess i not really feeling emotions right now...maybe grateful that Mish gave me a survey to fill out?:)

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

FRIEND CONFESSIONS

1. Are you jealous of one or more of your friends?
no

2. Have you known any of your friends your whole life?
no, i know no one from earlier than college.....

3. Are any of your friends taller than you?
some of my guy friends....

4. Have you ever been ditched by a friend?
everyone has

5. Do you have your friend's phone number's memorized?
yes

6. Have you lost or forgotten a friends phone number?
no

7. Have you been to most of your friends houses?
Yes, it's weird cuz i haven't been to my best friend's house since she moved out a few months ago, but she's moving back in my neighborhood a few blocks away in the next couple weeks. YEAH!!!:):)

8. Do you love most of your friends?
if i did not love them, and vice versa, we would not be friends

-------------------------
HABIT CONFESSIONS

1. Do you play with things when nervous?
yeah, sometimes it's just a product of too much caffeine consumption

2. Do you have an odd obsession with knives?
i used to,,,, i got rid of them all, and the police have a lot of them too.....

3. Do you sleep with the door open or closed?
open, i hate closed doors, plus my pets would not appreciate it

4. Is there at least one sound you can't stand?
the sound that styrofoam makes when people mess with it, UGH

5. What is your worst habit?
smoking cigaretts, eating crap food, sleeping all day cuz i stay up all night, procrastinating especially with homework.....pick one

-----------------------------------------------
PERSONAL OPINION CONFESSIONS

1. Do you think littering is bad?
i didn't used to until i got sober, weird

2. Do you think abortions are horrible?
I couldn't get one

3. Are you against or think gay marriage is bad?
i think homophobia is bad

4. Is pink an ugly color?
ugly? nah

5. Needles aren't so horrible?
not so bad, unless they have deathly drugs inside of them....

6. You have plenty of secrets?
none, didn't we cover this already?

---------------------------------------------
HAVE YOU EVER CONFESSIONS

1. Have you ever fallen UP the stairs?
it's been a while

2. Have you ever lost someone you loved?
that's part of life

3. Have you ever slapped someone across the face?
a few times, not recently

4. Have you ever been so upset you couldnt speak?
maybe

5. Hurt someone you loved?
again, it's a part of life

-------------------------------------------------
OTHER CONFESSIONS

1. Do you enjoy drama?
apparently i used to......

2. Have you ever gotten in a fist fight?
yes, and i started 99% of them over the stupidest sh** ever. don't have to live like that anymore

3. Who would you like to hit right now?
Enough violence!!! jeez....( I agree Mish:))

4. Is there any type of rumor going around about you?
shrug, who knows, who cares

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Change is in the air. From all angles. Last night snow flakes fell on my drive home at midnight from my school's library. Out with the old, in with the new. In the past few weeks, my life has gone from overwhelming, frantic, numb, and exhausted to nada.

Two things have affected me significantly in the past week. I broke up with my boyfriend last week. It hurts, it sucks, it's painful, it's lonely, but I know it's for the best. It's been 8 days since I've seen him or talked to him. The only place I cannot seem to steer away from him is in my dreams while sleeping. I am beginning to work on family of origin issues with my therapist that I started seeing again a few weeks ago. I want to see my part and grow from the people I am attracted to now and in the past. They are one in the same.

I have also been fired from my internship. Sorry, but who the fu** gets fired from an internship? You're working for free!!!! Anywho, I met with the director and another professor just an hour or so ago, and they are telling me to drop the class. I will. I have to. They said they cannot feel good about placing me elsewhere this semester, or ever, until I "have a plan" to work on my issues that got me fired in the first place. Being late was a major part of it, and it was recommended that I go see a medical doctor about that because I explained to them that I have been habitually late to everything for my entire life since I was 5 years old. She also mentioned she could see my eyes twitching during our meeting. She thinks there could be some medical reason for all this s**t. like sleep apnea or some s**t. Wouldn't that be nice? I've done everything that has been in my power to do about my lateness, mostly to no avail. This is an avenue I have not yet explored. So I'm gonna. woot woot! 

Alls I know is that GOD IS IN CONTROL!!!! Things must end for new beginnings to come. What is the saying?.... when God closes a door, He opens another, but these hallways are a bitch!!! I just finished watching the last episode, again, of one of my favorite shows on dvd last night, "Six Feet Under". There is a video from it on my page...on dvd when Season 5 opens up it says "Everything...........Everyone.......Everywhere.......Ends". The truth is a BI**H huh?! Aahhhhh, life on life's crazy beautiful terms~

Okay well, I'm off to Borders with a friend.
God Bless you all!

-Jessie

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Man, i'm tired. It's 3:20am and i am still up on my dad's lovely computer. I know i'm still up on it because I don't have one at home. I pretty much do this every time i'm here- izz cool;) I quit my job a week or so ago. I was either falling out of bed in the morning or falling into bed at night after going to school, to my internship, to my job, to my meetings, picking up sponsee and supports, attempting to do homework...OMG WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?! anywhos, it didn't work to say the least. i was numb from short circuiting my brain. Then it dawned on me I had hit like two meetings a week, and I was feeling VERY squirrely. So i quit my freakin job. Got back to the basics...you know, the whole 'our recovery has to come before everything else' dealyo? Yeah that one. I kinda forgot about it, and I am grateful to God for sending me flashing lights and warning signs. Most people tell me it was good riddance, because it was Wendy's. But wouldn't ya know it was still difficult for me to just up and quit?! I've always been pretty cool with quitting jobs when i was getting high, but now i actually felt accountable even at a fast food joint. weird. in the end, i turned it over, literally, and it ended up being the right decision i believe it was God guided. i had prayed about it for a while and talked about it to my sponsor and everything before doing it. Okay ya'll. Sorry if this was a bit hard to read since it's all one paragraph, i think it's time to hit the hay. That's all folks!:)
God Bless All of You, My Dear Recovering Friends
-Jessie

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