Father, I admit a tendency to reduce life with You to following regulations. Help me to live by the work of Your Spirit within my heart. Through Christ I pray, Amen.

Instead of wanting to follow through with acting out tonight, I just found a way to block the channels on the On Demand. So I set it & it's blocked! I just hope I won't get the feelings to unblock it. That's easier to do on the TV than it is to do on the computer. I'm just really happy about that & feeling safe right now

Work's going okay...Got a little uncomfortable the other day with all the older men customers that were there. It's a store that attracts a lot of male customers and I get uncomfortable around other men. Especially those that are older. Funny because I get attracted to those the most....My addicted side does. Because it likes to seek comfort & attention that it never had when I was younger, because I never had a father growing up. So I don't know how to act around men, so I was feeling quite anxious. Especially when I saw a good looking older gentleman checking me out & I caught myself doing the same & obsessing over seeing him again. But I thought about God and just began to feel guilty because it didn't feel right to me or my boyfriend. After my break, I started to feel better though.

It makes me sad to know that no one wants to start an accountability group with me  I've posted on the bulletins, forums, everywhere & nothing. So I guess I'm still alone in my recovery...At least I got my mentor & God with me.

Take care everyone & I REALLY hope you're all doing well!

Chanel xoxo