Ok, up to the 9th step I have been on a pink cloud.  I had no problem listing my faults, fears, resentments, and sex issues.  No problem telling God & someone either. I had heard some struggle with this step but I was fine.  I now see my nemesis is the 9th.  I am an only child and I hate to depend on anyone.  I alwys did things on my own.  If I could not, I would figure out how I could.  I hate asking for help and don't need it.   It seems I would rather fail at something alone they bring others in with me.  Other people have always let me down because of my expectations.  I can only trust myself.  

Now my sobriety depends on others.  I have to say to these people I am now aware of what I have done and my sobriety depends that I let them know.  (I refuse to use the word sorry because I have used it to much.)  So far I have only told this to my boss.  I have about 10 other people and I just hate it.  My sponsor tells to pray for strength & opportunity.  Tomorrow I will try to make amends to my 2 neighbors.  One of which I will go in the morning & hope that they are not drunk yet.  This one I almost put a flower pot through their front door window.  Oh well, I have done worse & harder things so I can look back on this and maybe realize that I dont want to do it again which will be a deterrent.  This program has saved thousands of lives and so I know I have to do what it takes.  I want to help others and I know I have to do this so I can.  Funny how I dont want to depend on others but i want them do depend on me.  WTF is that all about?  Crazy "ism" thinking I guess.  Anyway besides that all is going well and I hope it is with all of you too.  Take care & God bless, J        

Tags: Angry