I dont know why I let people get to me, but I very clearly do.

Its been one of those testing weeks, god knows everyone gets them and I dont think myself to be any exception, but sometimes, just sometimes I let myself crumble.

It began with some family issues over the weekend, which I dont really want to go into then extended here to a bit of a spat with another member of the forum, on both these issues I really didnt see I had done anything wrong, but I guess they did.

Then I try to search for a women only AA meeting, now for you guys in the USA I know things are totally different, here in the UK alcoholism is still very frowned upon and meetings are really nowhere near at the standard they are with you, there are a lot of '13 steppers' in meetings and I frankly feel very uncomfortable, I emailed AA in the UK today to receive a rather snotty reply from a man who tells me that alcoholism is not a gender issue, there is not women only meeting within 50 miles of me and I should just go to normal meetings, also that he has many female sponsees with no problem.  That kind of made me feel 2" tall.

I go downstairs this morning to make a cup of tea and find my husband has filled the fridge with cider, I dont know the reason for this as he is not a big drinker and he knows where I am at, but too much mind games there for me to deal with, I just closed the fridge and walked away.

But, now I find that I am isolating myself, I have been in my bedroom all day reading, not got dressed and I know this is rolling into a depression.

I have to fight to stop it, but its hard.

There is a shining light though, I contacted someone I trust and admire on here and she has been such a help to me, I am very grateful for her continued support.

I have to work on not letting others bother me so much, I have to work on being focused.  At the end of the day it is me who is left with the hurt and wondering 'why me?' and I hate that, I am not a self-pitying person, but I think its part of depression really, and that in turn is part of me.

Anyway, I guess I have to fight back, by that I mean fight the depression back, not other people .

Tomorrow is another day...