First of all, i know how ridiculous this is going to sound.
So I'm just forewarning you.
Also, hopefully, no one else has had to experience the kind of relationship i was in.
Yes i am only 16. But age really doesn't matter with things like this.
(apparently, aside from everything else I worry what others think. I am trying hard to work on that.)
It was my first serious relationship. So of course the ending is not going to be a good one.
But things really went horribly wrong. We were together for three years. he was all i ever knew. I did everything for him and i loved him with all of my little heart. Our relationship was very intense from the get go. I don't really need to go into all the details now.
But to explain what happened tonight, I have to give some sort of background, right?
I refused to see that he was changing. I knew it in my heart, but my mind wouldn't let me believe it.
Because of this, he made me see it. He literally shoved in my face all of the ways he had changed
i.e. all the new "friends" he had made, all the drugs he was doing.
he shoved in my face that he didn't love me anymore (and that claims he never did)
he shoved in my face that he had moved in with another girl.
the typical teenage girl that i am. i completely lost it.
No way could he be avoiding me! He loves me. His phone is just broken, I don't care. I'm still going to do whatever he wants when he finally sees me. it was pretty disgusting what i did for him. but i didn't know any better.
He gave me a promise ring. And at one time. He meant every word he said when he gave me that ring. -BUt when i get upset and confused at how he could possibly not love me any more when I felt the way i had always felt, he laughed in my face. "how could you be so F***ing immature to think that we would get married or that ring meant anything. how could you be so F***ing stupid?"
it just got worse and worse from there.
he told me he had moved in with a girl he met? i dont even understand that part. (side note, he and his parents hated eachother so he never lived at home)
the next thing i knew, this girl was his girl friend. and she hated me and found me threating.
which i could not understand for a second because he hated me right?
his explaination "she sees right through that"
she sees right through WHAT!?
-then if he still had feeligns for me why was he with her?
absolutely NOTHING made sense to me at the time.
eveyrthing was happening SO fast.
he had changed into this completely different person.
In the end he decided the only way to get me completely away from him is to threaten a restraining order.
which also made no sense because he continued to contact me, but would blame me for it.
anyways, things ended pretty badly.
sorry to go off on a tangent liek that haha.
the last time we talked was exactly two months ago. He was going to the courthouse to fight a parking ticket and he told me if i called him again that morning, he would walk righ tover and get the restraining order.
something clicked.
i didn't want to put my self through that agony any more.
i would shake at the thought of talking to him.
and i would vomit in his presence because of the anxiety he caused me.
things have been pretty great since he's been gone.
but tonight.
(this is where it gets very "high school" beware!)
i am on aim chatting with one of my friends when he signs on.
which he never does. and if he does he signs on for maybe a minute at a time and then quickly signs off.
but tonight things were different.
he signs on
and puts up an away message. and i was curious, so i read it. it said
"don't act like you don't want to."
first of all.
am i crazy
or who else could he really be directing that towards?
or i am i really that self centered to think that there is no one else he could be directing that towards but me?
luckily, i care more about myself now to not do anything crazy about it, like call him and ask him. i don't think i could handle another personal attack from him.
aside from that,
i don't want to break my "sobriety" from him. 60 days and counting.
i don't know if it's possible to be sober from a person?
thank you for listening to my rant
i feel a little better now hah.
