Right now, i'm having a battle of wits with myself. I need to sleep, but every night when i sleep i dream. So instead of sleeping right now I am fighting to stay awake. I honestly can no longer deal with having a great dream about the way i wish things were and then wake up to find out nothing has changed. I don't know how else to prevent myself from having these dreams! it is incredibly frusterating and draining.
I thought i had finally gotten over most things. Who knows. I don't think i ever really will be.
Here is some crap poetry type thing i wrote when I was still feeling pretty good about finally accepting the way things are going to be now. It needs work definitely but oh well:
Another sleepless night
A lot has changed since the last time.
I no longer call out your name
praying that you will hear me.
I no longer reach out for your touch,
the one that was never really there.
I am no longer bothered by the thoughts of your presence-
wherever that may be.
it seems like forever,
since the last time I saw you.
I am no longer angry with all that you put me through.
I am no longer sad-
just disappointed how it ended
The only memories of you that cross my mind
are not the bad, nor the great
but all of those in between.
The nights we shared
driving in peace.
Looking off into the pitch-black distance
Feeling the wind in my hair.
The smell of your cigarettes.
the taste of mine.
The cold air that filled my lungs, night after night.
The best moments of my life-
spent inside that car,
on those dark, winding, endless roads.
Those ice cold nights, pack aftter pack, with you.
If anything, I miss those nights
we never had a destination
and we never said a word
It was an unspoken bond we shared.
The best
The bond is broken, our bond- shattered
But who's at fault?
I don't think we'll ever know.
The answer remains unknown
The mystery unsolvable
When everything falls apart
as it always does.
I no longer blame myself.
I no longer blame you.
I blame our shattered relationship.
Whosever fault it may be.
I would love to see you one day
Maybe we will meet again
On that dark, winding, endless road
But if not.
I'll never forget those nights.
Do I ever cross your mind?
Nothing's been the same since you've been gone.
I no longer cry at your expense.
yes yes yes it needs work. but its a really good start i think.
Tags: Tired
