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jodyB
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if i screw up, do i fail the class
Posted On: 08/24/2008 11:54:36

 If i took the class, and i screwed up the test... do i fail... do i fail permanently.

Does this mean that the hope and the Glory i share is not real????  That i am just a lyer.... Just another hypocrit spouting the same schtuffs.

I have step 3... to be the step i am working on...  "am entirely ready to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand God..."  When i slep... when i fall, does that make me go back to step one>>> 

Whatever.... A Rose is a Rose, a Spade is a Spade.  

Many of you have been supporting me... admonishing me to get the f@#&% of the fence and turn my life over to GOD.  Truth is... I DO... and i mean it with my whole being.  and then, once again, i sin.  I blatantly go against what my heart knows to be right.  

If I regard sin in my heart, the Lord will not hear me...

but this is what David the Psalmist says in Ps 66
16 Come and listen, all you who fear God,
      and I will tell you what he did for me.
 17 For I cried out to him for help,
      praising him as I spoke.
 18 If I had not confessed the sin in my heart,
      the Lord would not have listened.
 19 But God did listen!
      He paid attention to my prayer.
 20 Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer
      or withdraw his unfailing love from me.

each time i turn my back on what i know to be right... Each time i go back so easily to the sin that so easily entangles me, i Crucify Christ once again.  

And Each Time I cry out and admit my sin... He is ever ready and able to hear me, to forgive me.  

But it is me that hangs on to the shame of the addiction... furthering its power and scum...

I know you care for me... people.... have any of yuo struggled like this... a yoyo person>>>

thank you for letting me share.

jodyB Hanging Head In Shame 

 





Tags: Struggles Addiction



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Viewing 1 - 6 out of 6 Comments

From: jodyB
09/01/2008 14:31:47


DisgruntledGurl wrote:


Dennis said it beautifully. It is because of this that it makes so much sense why the Steps are in the order that they're in. The cool thing about living in grace is that it is a free gift that can never be taken away.  It took quite some time to come to accept that if God thought I deserved to be punished, especially to the extent that I was doing it to myself, He would've done so already.


Thank YOU!!!   Thanks for helping me Remember!

Blessings!

jodyB
3D Prom Queen

From: jodyB
08/27/2008 11:04:50


DennisS wrote:


     I do those first three steps every morning, and I am sure glad I don't lose points by failing. To take those twelve ideals of the fellowship and make them rules would be to akin to teaching a horse to sing the star spangled banner.
     If I fail today in turning my will over to God, does that make me a failure? I don't think so - it makes me human. That is why I strive to hold myself to these principles. They are a yardstick for me to measure myself against. If I slip? Yep, still human. I learn by it and start in again.
     Progress, rather than perfection. I spent 38 years getting this hosed up. Do you honestly think that I could fix this in a month or two? Maybe a year or two? I think not. It is a disease of the mind that I deal with every day. With His help if I am successful today I will not only be sober when I go to sleep tonight, but I'll have made an attempt to follow what I believe to be his will in my life. If I fail (in either case), then I'll start again tomorrow. For it will be a new day, I pray full of hope and resolve to do better.
      Don't be too hard on yourself, Like me - you're human. 

YFIR,
Dennis


Thanks Dennis... I really appreciate all you have to say! 

I need to let go (of all of it, including the barrage of negativity),


so that i can HOLD ON TO HIM!

 3D Prom Queen 
God Bless

jodyB

From: Nia
08/27/2008 08:13:41

You can do the first three steps anytime & anywhere... some times I reviewed them thousands of times a day-(over and over- )applying them to thoughts and actions

as needed! eventually they became so familiar, they blended and became a habit.

It is all a part of learning a new way of life! the sense of being 'a failure' has ebbed as I worked my way along through my recovery-"my attitude" and willingness to change go hand in hand- everything is interconnected-" Believe that I believe"

you can do it too- Blessings, Nia

From: KeithB
08/25/2008 16:20:56

Dennis has got it right! We have a disease and choices to make as to whether to keep it in remission on a daily basis!

For me, a true step one was beyond admitting, it was accepting, and like Dennis, I own my disease daily. It's always there, so is my higher power!

There was only one I read about who was perfect; and what an outcome! I'm human with defects of character, free will, and prone to mistakes, not failures!

luv

From: DisgruntledGurl
08/25/2008 02:37:14

Dennis said it beautifully. It is because of this that it makes so much sense why the Steps are in the order that they're in. The cool thing about living in grace is that it is a free gift that can never be taken away.  It took quite some time to come to accept that if God thought I deserved to be punished, especially to the extent that I was doing it to myself, He would've done so already.

From: DennisS
08/24/2008 17:15:50

     I do those first three steps every morning, and I am sure glad I don't lose points by failing. To take those twelve ideals of the fellowship and make them rules would be to akin to teaching a horse to sing the star spangled banner.
     If I fail today in turning my will over to God, does that make me a failure? I don't think so - it makes me human. That is why I strive to hold myself to these principles. They are a yardstick for me to measure myself against. If I slip? Yep, still human. I learn by it and start in again.
     Progress, rather than perfection. I spent 38 years getting this hosed up. Do you honestly think that I could fix this in a month or two? Maybe a year or two? I think not. It is a disease of the mind that I deal with every day. With His help if I am successful today I will not only be sober when I go to sleep tonight, but I'll have made an attempt to follow what I believe to be his will in my life. If I fail (in either case), then I'll start again tomorrow. For it will be a new day, I pray full of hope and resolve to do better.
      Don't be too hard on yourself, Like me - you're human. 

YFIR,
Dennis


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