A week ago, last Monday evening... Step Daughter, and Husband were decidely angry with me.  Seems that i needed an Attitude Adjustment... Whatever...  Could not say anything...  everything i said was wrong, or i had a bad attitude...  Something happened that caused the MONSTER to come out and he came at me in the Kitchen.  The MONSTER was Yelling and Screaming as was the other voices...  Somehow i was scared and little.  I must have done something... not really sure what... but i did not feel that i had a place.  i guess my arm was grabbed and i was thrown across the floor.... I fell hard on my back and skidded across over the metal part that separates the floors... i groaned and screamed...  My back was gashed and bruised and bleeding...

but life continues... and the Monster went away again... nothing was said...to the people involved... but i have been getting  Hubby to put some ointment on the gash.  He sees it.... so have some others...  Mostly i just say that i fell, and that i am a klutz, cuz i am!

Then my little 4 yr old grandaughter was over yesterday with her parents and siblings...She saw the scar.. and asked"Oma, what happened to your back?"  i did not want to say " Oma Fell,"  I did not say anything... just felt SHAME.


How much does it cost before too much is too much, and wanting to go away... to die... no longer enters my mind???


jodyB

Tags: Family Violence Pain Abuse