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On Letting Go
Posted On: 11/06/2008 20:18:30

My home group has been bringing a meeting to a treatment center for the past 2 years.Tonight I  chaired the meeting.Topic: Triggers. I relapsed 2 1/2 years ago and my friend asked me if I fiqured out why. Until today I never really dug deep enough inside to fiqure it all out.
When I relapsed, I did it in front of another AA member,my best friend and my boss, all in the same person!
I threatened her and her family and she had a restraining order put on me.  When it was all done, I was put on probation and ordered to stay away from this person for 2 years.  During this time we had made amends to each other,haven't had contact since.  That was about a year and a half ago. I constantly think about her and realize now that it stirred up a lot of feelings and emotions with me.I am trying to let go,done a lot of talking about it and praying on it.
I am having a lot of trouble letting go. Even though this person was in recovery,it wasn't the most healthy friendship.I want to try to contact her and make another amends but my sponser and my therapist don't think its a good idea.
Has anyone had a similar situation? Any suggestions on letting go? I don't know why I am allowing someone to control me!! Leaving me stuck with my recovery.
I am not going to drink or drug over it,not even thinking about it. I guess I am feeling the guilt and shame . I haven't forgiven myself yet, thought I did.
Any feedback would be helpful, thanks..............
Sue



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Viewing 1 - 4 out of 4 Comments

From: KeithB
11/07/2008 12:18:15

I have experienced similar things in my life! The answer for me was to do the first 3 steps again, and understand god doesn't need my help today but will help me!

I got fed up with letting other people get space in my head without paying rent, even though my head was in a bad neighbourhood! If I work hard at the NOW and staying spititually fit, there is no room for past crap! The steps were the key for me. It is not perfect yet, but 1000% better than it was.

The reason for relapsing is always the same.

If you loved you as much as your HP does, would you do what you do TO you???

luv

From: lostsoul73
11/07/2008 08:16:52

I personally handle a lot of issues by writing. There are some situations that arise and for whatever reason you just can't make amends in person. I think that in order for you to be able to let go of this you are going to have to forgive yourself. You are not the person today that you were then. God knows your heart, He loves you, He forgives you, you need to forgive you. When you forgive yourself for being human and making a mistake, you open the way for others to forgive you. Forgiveness is amazing.

It may take time to completely let go, but pray about it, write in a journal, write letters, I have heard a lot of people say writing letters helped them tremendously.

I wish you the best. God Bless.

From: Nia
11/07/2008 05:37:24

I wrote a lot of "letters" ! some got sent, some were ceremoniously sent to heaven

(burnt offering) some remained tucked away in my current journal . Most had been

shared aloud w/ sponsor and or, therapist....



From: flowerchildofjc
11/06/2008 21:51:46

I can relate of letting go being so darn difficult! And on having unhealthy friendships(and relationships) with others in recovery. We're all so sick! I like the 7th step prayer because the part that says "My Creator I am now willing that you take all of me, good and bad.....". One day it dawned on me- if I'm asking my HP to take, love, accept and have all of me good and bad, shouldn't I take, love and accept myself good and bad?! It sucks to feel vicimized by another human being, but we don't have to live like that today! Removing myself as the victim is one of the hardest things I've had to learn to do. Forgiving others and myself for being human and flawed. I wish you the best, and I know you can do it. Pray, trust, accept, faith, love....

God Bless

-Jessie


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