And Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. If I am disturbed it is because I find some person, place, thing unacceptable to me. If I do not accept my alcoholism than I cannot stay sober. If I cannot accept life on life terms than I will never be happy.

I need focus on what needs to be changed in the world as in what needs to be changed in me and my needs.

That was a great story in the BB. I liked it because he talked about drugs too, something thats not too common in an AA story. I've been having huge problems recently with accepting myself for who I am and especially with food and working out.

I have a food problem, I like to beat myself up alot, whether thinking about taking laxatives, working out extra hard... I have lost a significant amount of weight and no longer considered in the overweight category according to body mass index.

But it does not stop there with me, I try to lose more and more weight and get the body that i so desire.

There are 3 reasons why I want to build a great body and lose weight:

1. To feel like I'm above other people and other guys, than I'm more sexire than them.

2. I do it for other girls so that I become more desirable to them and in hopes that they will walk up to me or be more warm.

3. I do it to fill the obsession in my head that I need to be perfect and it gets me away from life and reality.

4. I also do it hoping that iwth having a great body that my mind will follow and that I will no longer be shy (character defect i believe) and I will be able to talk to girls once I get muscular and weigh my net goal.

= This whole losing weight thing seems to be the problem itself, not me. I am creating more drama and chaos for myself and digging the hole deeper than just accepting myself for who I am and putting a plug onto the whole thing. I know what your all gonna say, trust god, clean house, accept yourself... Yeah yeah yeah.... How the heck do I do it other than just DOING IT.......