I wonder if being "out there" wouldn't be easier.  At least when I get played, it didn't hurt so much..  This feeling sh*t is crap!!  It is so hard to not wallow in them and hard to not change them through outside influences...  My addict is having a hayday with this situation...telling me i'm no good, nobody will ever want me, how stupid i was for falling for it!!!  Of course its answer is to use!  Which for me, who is actually in control here, knows that is a stupid idea...the only good thing out of this hole situation was that I didn't use of it!!  This woulda sent me back out a few years ago!!!  Progress....thankfully, I had my one year cake coming up the week this happened...definately make sure you know who you are getting involved with!!!  That is what I learned....at least out on the street you expect to be played, manipulated and used....it comes with the game!!!  It hurts the most because I wanted it so badly...I've had a crush on him for so long but would never have acted on it (fear of rejection)...this is hard!

Tags: Hurt