The Holiday Bill of Rights for Those Who are Grieving

1. You have the right to say TIME OUT, anytime you need to. Time out to
let up, blow a little steam, step away from the holidays, have a
"huddle" time and start over.

2. You have a right to TELL IT LIKE IT IS when people ask, How are you?
You have a right to tell them how you REALLY feel, not just what they
want to hear.* You need to take care of yourself. Be attuned to your
feelings. (*P.S. You also have the right to smile and say you're fine,
because telling them how you really feel, isn't worth your time - some
people will never understand anyway)

3. You have the right to SOME "BAH HUMBUG" DAYS. You don't have to be
"Jolly Old St. Nicholas" all the time. You are not a bad person just
because you don't feel like singing Christmas carols all day.

4. You have the right to DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY. There is no law that
says you must always do Chanukkah and Christmas the same way. You can
send 10 cards instead of 100 -- or no cards at all. You can open
presents at somebody else's house. You can do without a tree. You can
have a pizza instead of turkey! - the list is endless.

5. You have the right to BE WHERE YOU WANT TO BE. Be at home, or at
the relatives or with friends. Be in any city, any state you choose!
NOBODY SAID YOU HAVE TO HAVE SNOW TO HAVE CHRISTMAS. There's no law that
says you must stay home!

6. You have the right to have SOME FUN. Don't be afraid of what someone
will say if they see you laughing and having a good time. Laughter is
every bit as therapeutic as tears. If you are doing something that your
loved one would have also enjoyed, think of their laughter and feel
their laughter inside of you.

7. You have the right to CHANGE DIRECTION IN MID-STREAM. Grief is
unpredictable. You may be all ready to go somewhere or do something and
be suddenly overwhelmed, immobilized. When that happens it's okay to
change your mind.

8. You have the right to DO THINGS AT DIFFERENT TIMES. Go to church or
synagogue at a different time. Open presents at a different time. Serve
your meal at a different time. Give up and go to bed at a different
time. Don't be a slave to the holiday clock.

9. You have a right to REST, PEACE, and SOLITUDE. You don't need to be
busy all the time. Take a nap whenever you need one. Take time to pray
and meditate to recharge your spirit, it can do you much more good than
eating another huge meal.

10. You have the right TO DO IT ALL DIFFERENT AGAIN NEXT YEAR.
Just because you change things one year: try on something different,
does not mean you have written it in stone. Next year, you can always
change it back or do it, in yet, another new way.