A July Weekend- Validation
Life, upon reflection, is always interesting. I have been blessed beyond anything I could have imagined, and only realize how much when I reflect on what has happened over a fairly short period of time, and how I was able to handle things and what I allowed myself to feel.
Entering the weekend, I was really wondering how I (and many others) “get” a recovery program, and many very bright people stay away from their addiction for a while, and get right back to it. This was prompted by watching a couple of people go backwards in recovery last week. I know that being too smart and full of false pride get us in our own way, and keep us from getting the grace our higher power offers us.
Friday night, I had the honour of being “best man” at my brothers wedding (a second wedding). As with many families where members end up on a recovery journal, our family was not one that would win a medal for good practice of mental hygiene. It functioned in its own way, but not with good head health!
I certainly had some strong feelings about the wedding. Years ago I would have done some things that subtly sabotaged the event; in part to get attention. With the help of my higher power, I played my role, including MC at the reception, in a loving and proper fashion. For that I was grateful and knew my higher power had directed my conduct.
Over the last couple of years, I have searched deeply for my purpose in life. I knew that there was a space I wanted to work in, a very narrow space, for the working days I had left.
For 14 years I had felt inside that I wanted to work in a role where others may benefit, and that if I stayed in conscious contact with my higher power, I could be a conduit to others.
Slowly but surely this is unfolding, and I am thankful that god has given me the patience to allow it to happen in his time.
Over the weekend I had the privilege of taking part in a 5th step/footprint with a client in Europe. The wonders of technology allowed this to happen. It was interesting; upon reflection, to be fully there, to be able to listen and occasionally ask a question that triggered thought and release. One can never be sure of the outcome of work, only the other person truly knows if they have brought forth all that was hidden, but my sense is that both of us gained immeasurably from the experience. I certainly felt a strong sense of compassion for the things this person had experienced in the years that they were being shaped, and realize this person has the “disease” of addictions, and was put in a situation where initially addiction was a tool that allowed survival, then took over to be a tool of destruction!
Many of us have lived that story. I am grateful to be able to be there for others, and understand what release they can gain on their journey.
I was home alone all weekend, yet was able to remain in a good head space, reach out to others, take part in healthy social and physical activities, and grow just a little bit stronger. I even was able to willing spend some quality time one on one with my mother, who is institutionalized, and for whom I carried a resentment towards for decades!
I am thankful to coach Gary Glasscock who helped me get over the remaining bit of resentment I held on to, and I am thrilled to be able to just “be there” for my mother as she completes her life. Those who know me know what a huge change this is in my life. Over the period of the weekend, I went through a range of emotions, allowed myself to feel them, and dealt with those feelings that were not positive ones in a healthy way. I was alone, but never alone, as I felt the presence of my higher power every time I sought conscious contact. I was of service to others and did some healthy things, and nothing that was destructive to others.
This truly is a new life that has unfolded, and validates the message my higher power gave to me in the summer of 1994, and reinforces on a regular basis.
There is a journey to a more abundant life available to all of us if we stay out of our own way, and are not “too smart” or prideful to accept it.
I reflect on a weekend that at first blush was uneventful, yet was truly a miracle that came out of a journey to a new life! It is there for all who seek it!!
Tags: Recovery Of Life Fight Addictions Life Coaching
