I tried so desperately to hold on,
To someone who wanted to be free,
Tried to make him my own,
Instead of just letting him be.
He tried to tell me he couldn't be serious,
Tried to tell me he wasn't stable,
But I could not see through my own selfishness,
Could not see he was simply not able.
I forced my love on him,
Thinking it could make him believe,
Thought I could be different than all of them,
The ones before who decided to leave.
But I did nothing but push him away,
With all of my crying and demands,
I left him with nothing to say,
Except this was all more than he could withstand.
I made him feel guilty for my mistakes,
And for not being there for me,
When he had worries of his own to partake,
Tearing him apart completely.
I made him feel like a bad person,
When I should have held his hand,
I added to his pain,causing it to worsen,
When I should have been able to understand.
It took some time for me to see,
I brought all of this on myself,
It was not him at all, but me,
Trying to fit love perfectly on a shelf.
And although he never said it,
I felt it with him in the beginning,
And I may never know if he will admit,
I ruined whatever it was that was growing.
I tried to be selfish to have him for me,
And maybe because I knew I never would,
But a heart is not given forcefully,
And maybe he did more than he could.
I cannot take back the things I have said,
And he would not believe they were not meant,
Words that were spoken to hurt pound in my head,
The time he wasted trying cannot be unspent.
I had no right to say I loved him,
When I could not even be his friend,
Had no right to make his light more dim,
Just because I wanted him to let me in.
I told him I would be here in any way he needs,
But I am afraid I said it a little too late,
All I can do is lie here while my heart bleeds,
All I can do is pray for him - and wait.
And all of the excuses I could give,
I have none that would amend,
I can only ask God that one day he will forgive,
And know that I understand why he wanted it to end.
Tags: Reflective
