Since I have begun to find my sprituality my HP's guidence becomes more apparent to me. Three weeks ago I lost my job when I hit rock bottom, with the stressess of lost love, shame, self loathing and self blame I was experiencing -it's no wonder. I decided to change my life and began to heal. I have taken quite a few chances I would never had considered three months ago. I decided to get out of the stress of my 15 year career in Childcare and focus on myself and my family. Today I got a job that suits my needs and give me the time for my family and my music as well. Thank you HP.

I took another chance recently as well. I decided, albeit hesitantly- to send a letter I had written to myself about my realisations of how my addiction destroyed my relationship and what childhood triggers I had found - to my ex. 

I dont recall a great deal of what I did during my drunken turns but I know I hurt her immensly and blamed her constantly and I felt she had the right to know that it was my addction to alcohol which ruined us and not her.

She called me today, re signing the house lease over to her. I would meet her tonight and sign the forms. I invited her to dinner to which the response was "probelby not a good idea. Seeing as when ever we see each other I set you back."
I replyed with "NO! It was me who set MYSELF back..."
Thanks HP, I could never have admitted that it was me before my faith returned.

We had dinner and spent an hour and a half together. We managed to help to heal each other a little with our honesty and start to lay foundations for possible future bridges.
None of the anxious feelings overwhelmed me like they used to, they were there but I was in control of them for a change..

I have realised after pining for this lost love, and living in the shame of my actions; that the lost love was really for myself. I hated myself and how I was before, how could I truly love anyone else then? How could I treat the one I'm in love with that way?

Today I love who I was, how I acted and how I stayed in control.

Tomorrow is another day, my HP will give me the strength to keep moving forward... one day at a time..