Going on day 5 of abstaining from smoking... So far, has been a rather enlightening experience to me already. And since I am neither a drug addict or an alcoholic, this is the closest I can come to be able to relate to the obsession and the craving from a chemical dependency.
The first 12 hours wasn't so bad. But as the night progressed near 24 hours, I was pacing the floor, trying to rationalize 'falling off the wagon' or stick to what I inadvertently started. I am also aware of having idle hands, because I found myself being more restless and fidgity then I was irritable...surprisingly.
Typically when I smoke, I tend to smoke most after I eat, in social situations, or bored. Usually I'll have a cigarette within 15-20 minutes after I wake up, and about the same before bed. Late at night (like around now) is when the triggers become most active... The increased hunger and getting stuck in my head is worst around this time.
It is a weird adjustment, particularly to my psyche, of that unconscious habit no longer being there. Best way to explain it, it's almost like a shock - especially when I took that supply, as well as habit, for granted.
Speaking of supply, I realized just how grouchy I'd get toward others if I had to go without for a few hours. In fact, my behavior was like that of a drug addict whenever I was in danger of nearly or completely running out of a supply.
I don't remember becoming physically or psychologically addicted when I first started in my early teens. Only now, has the reality of it become painfully obvious as I sit here contending with my withdrawals...when they are at their worst in the middle of the night.
Do these obsessive cravings ever completely disappear?? *sigh*
