Welcome Guest Login or Signup
FEB 2008 UPGRADE | LIVE CHAT | INSTANT MESSENGER | BOOKMARK
| LANGUAGE:
 

DisgruntledGurl
 PROFILE   GALLERY   BLOGS   GUESTBOOK   FRIENDS   FAVORITES   VIDEOS  
 


RSS
My First Real Test
Posted On: 01/08/2008 03:48:25

In a few hours, possibly as little as only a couple, my life is going to turn temporarily upside down... Earlier tonight, the phone rang. It was my daughter calling - to inform me they were almost out of Texas and on their way here.

I was like... "Uh, ok."

She had been calling me on and off for the past couple of weeks saying how she 'might' be moving back here. However, in the course of that couple weeks, she'd flip-flop on her decision. One day it would be here. The next day, it would be 'no, maybe Nevada'... Or Arizona... Or stick it out in Texas...

She even called me this morning, waking me out of a dead sleep to let me know that they "might" be leaving tonight or tomorrow morning. I told her she might want to belay that because we've been hammered all day with snow and to check the weather on the internet in case the highway was closed.

Apparently they left anyway.

For me, it's very difficult to keep up with her. The impulsiveness of her choices tends to make my head swivel like Linda Blair in "The Exorcist", but with  much confusion.

Needless to say, I wasn't planning anything - until awhile ago.

Don't get me wrong. I love my daughter more than life itself. I haven't seen her, my son in-law or grandkids since they came out last year for her foster mother's funeral.

...Guess who got stuck watching the critters at last minute? And got talked into letting them all stay the night the moment they walked in the front door?

Yeah. Me.

This time around is going to be much like that of the Chinese curse... "Interesting".

I've already screwed up and consented into letting them stay, with only hours of warning. I have no idea how I'm going to pull this one off... There's nothing here for the kids to do. Hell, it's not even child proof. Plus I don't have the room for four extra people.

Yet she knows I'll bend over backwards for her.

Not saying no and people pleasing has been a huge problem for me. It ends up making me feel like a doormat, but instead of it saying 'welcome', it says "USE ME!".

Like I said, I'll do anything for her. But I also have to stop allowing myself to be walked all over. By her as well.

I'll let them stay for a night. Maybe two, depending on how things manage. I'll help her do what she needs to do to get situated. Anything else... *sigh* I have to remind myself that my recovery comes first.

See? Already I'm feeling guilty for making a priority of my own needs for once.

This is going to be an interesting experience. Possibly a growing one... Just to see how far I've come by putting what I've learned...these new perspectives into action (as I'm just about finished with Step 4), especially with one of the people in my life I'm extremely vulnerable with.

And I imagine I'm going to be saying the Serenity Prayer a whole lot more than I usually do.



Bookmark:



Viewing 1 - 4 out of 4 Comments

From: DennisS
01/08/2008 19:27:12
Keep the faith. The guilt trips my kids have tried on occasion to put me through since I got sober don't work as well anymore. I have faith you can do it, too. Being clean and sober is too important. I too, will pray for you....


From: biscuitous
01/08/2008 12:59:54

Stick to your guns and do not feel guilty - at least don't let them see it.  You really do need to be true to your recovery.  Do what is best for YOU for a change.  You aren't being selfish.  In fact, forcing them to stand on their own two feet will be the best thing for them - and you.

You have come a long way.  Please do not let this cause you to backslide - and if you do - don't beat yourself up - just learn from it.

Girl, I have faith in you.  Say the Serenity Prayer non-stop if you have to.  Say it out loud and mean every word.

You are responsible for you.

I will keep you in my prayers.  Be strong.

From: willow69
01/08/2008 08:04:35

Be strong to your recovery, that is part of the healing is not "enabling" them to be grown ups and take care of their own business.  I know as a co-dependent I can talk myself into actually justifing why I am doing whatever it is I 'm doing.  The "craziness" of just one or two days might just be what keeps you to your Recovery.  Even when I was in contact with one of my sons,  I could only take so much of my granddaughter.  And I know that wasn't a bad thing,  At my age I just don't have the patience that I used to.  Of cource I don't know the details but maybe there was alittle (or a lot) of poor planning on their part.  It is awefully brave on their part to just pick up the whole family and move to a different state without there being alot of assumption on their part. ???  The Serenity Prayer is on my desktop background right now.  I know the feeling of "We love our children and will do anything for them"  But, just food for thought....Isn't it our job as Parents to teach them and guide them to do the right things, no matter how much it hurts us.  Like that ole' saying "this is hurting me more than it is hurting you"  We help all at one time or another teach, train, educate people sometimes on a everyday basis, but when we do this we don't just hand it to them.  Whats that other saying "We can supply the fish or teach them How to fish" I'm terrible with sayings but you get the jest of it.  I remember when my two older boys were little,  (too young to be a mother)  I was always questioning my Parenting,  If I did this, would it cause them to be on "Dr. Phil"  show.  If I do it this way "what long term damage might it cause"  We teach them the best we can,  hopefully we have the means to Guide them in the right direction to get the help from the services that are offered to the people !!!!  On a lighter note, Does your daughter know how to cook?  Now, thats where I would be taking advantage of mine, Me not cooking, Oh,  that would be nice.... Is that using them?  Well, Hell Ya !!!  Hang in there, Honey, I am here for U :)  And U can bet I will be checking on U. OOOOOO's just for U

From: ben
01/08/2008 06:01:34
man. can i relate. i got a notice to move because i had to many people staying at my house (rental). It was just my grown kids coming and going as they seen fit. I didnt handle it well though. so be warned. they are pissed at me cause i wont let them do it any more. so now i get to go see them if i want.  In the long run it is gonna be better. At least i wont get kicked out of any more rentals. and i had no idea how nice it is to have my own space till now... hope u do well. e-hugs..



*** myRECOVERYspace ***
myRECOVERYspace