I haven't babbled here in a while, so you'll have to put up with a few disconnected cogitations spinning around in this thing I use for a mind. I was just reading ProdigalReturned's blog (thanks, Ken) and it started a whole jumble of contradictory words about the past year's reinvention of me.
The recovery balancing act. A juggler in the middle of a three ring circus on a teeter-totter bouncing on a trampoline in a coal bin at midnight.
One side says reach out to others - and if the hand gets slapped aside or ignored, you take it in stride and reach out to the next. Continuing ever on, not in spite of rejection - but because of it.
At the same time another side says be more aware of your feelings. Feel safe to express them, as long as you don't harm others in the evoking of them.
Another yets says be a special, unique person with gifts from God. These gifts are to be used for His will - as soon as you learn how to sense and descern it from self will.
Yet another says be humble of spirit and approach, lest ego regains it's hold and your whole recovery crashes down around your ears.
Don't forget the little voice that whispers 'acceptance' in your ear when someone offends you. Resentments are not a good thing - cultivated properly, they end up being amends.
Of course there is no reason to be a doormat, so stand up for what you believe in. With circumspection, of course - so as not to offend others.
Then there's the side that says you have to take care of worldly business is also clamoring for the bills to be paid, things to do, people to see. Life to live.
There's time to be set aside for you and God - for meditation, reflection and prayer.
Oops, don't forget the play time - that time to forget all the cares and problems in the world.
All righty now, lets total up what we have:
Ken's paradox or my oxymoron. Also it is well hidden in an enigma, which is buried within a puzzle and therein wrapped in a incongruity. Most likely somewhere under the bed with the nefarious dust bunnies and missing socks.
I believe that the recovery process embodied in AA is a prime example of the proverbial Amazing Dancing Bear:
"It is not the beauty, grace, agility or flowing movements of the 700 pound bear that is so entrancing - the fact you can get the d*mn thing to dance at all is absolutly amazing..."
So this alll appears to be a pretty good reason for living in the moment, taking it one day at a time, letting go and letting God, dropping the rock, taking it easy.
Definitely progress not perfection.A good thing to remember. If we tried to dance to all this at once we'd bounce off the trampoline and end up bumping our heads. Ouch...
Nuff said,
Dennis
