I know you probably didn't notice I had gone but I have been on holiday and had to fly for the first time (exhillarating) and go to somewhere with a different language (fascinating) and lots of sunshine and beautiful blue sea (captivating) and get waited on hand and foot in a hotel (addictive).  So I have done very little except lie around in the sun and consider how lucky I am for the last week.  Now I am back and guess what it is raining in the UK (again).

Whenever I feel gratitude to God and my husband and life in general it always seems to open up that huge seam of guilt that I have within me.  If I have it all why am I looking for more?  Why do those other relationships 'out there' tempt me so much?  It doesn't make sense.

But I know that as I move back into my life again and the pressure gets up I will be back into the fantasies which begin the whole process.  It seems slow going and of course it is not easy to fight against myself because sometimes I don't want to change.  I know the answer is to continue with the programme which has already brought me so much.  Contact with people who understand, a renewed relationship and understanding of God my Higher Power.

I am deeply grateful.       

Tags: Happy