Well, fantasies about three different men this weekend.
I am feeling shame, guilt and fear over the situation with my son, all guaranteed to trigger my addiction.
I take the point made in the comment on my last blog that this is my responsibility, I am the only one who can do anything about it. That is true.
Right now I don't want to do anything about it. I feel that just allowing myself to fantasise for short periods is helping me to feel better in order that I can cope. I also know that this is wrong and that it will be difficult for me to back out of these fantasies and not see them as real relationships that I remember. That will affect the way I relate to these people and some of them are addicts like myself. I know this but right now the desire for comfort is more important to me than the desire to recover.
What can I do? What I really should do is ring someone and talk about it.
I am talking about it here.
The antidote to shame is acceptance, the antidote to guilt is forgiveness and the antidote to fear is love.
I'm going to talk to someone. Now.
