I feel much better now.  Thanks to everyone who left supportive messages, I really appreciate that.
I have a new perspective now on my triggers and my addiction.
It was good in a way to be able to begin again.  I had a lot of sobriety behind me but a lot of it did not include the very heart of my addiction, all of my temptations have begun in fantasy and I did not feel sober when I was still indulging in that.
And I had been around some very supportive addicted people, I had forgotten how dangerous we can be even to one another.
I have realised the importance of a set of healthy boundaries and I have learned that under no circumstance must I break those.
And I am deeply grateful for the firmness of my sponsor and to all who supported me, it could have been much worse.
I have come a long way because I actually put the brakes on, I heard the alarm bells and I wasn't taken in by the lies.  I knew what I was doing felt wrong and in the end what pulled me in was compassion and a misguided desire to help.  That's not so bad but it needs watching in future.
And the real miracle is that I have learned to reach out, I am so pleased about that.  Thank you God, for all the changes you have made in me through my recovery. Cara