Well, who would have guessed.  Yes I am learning. The first thing I learned lately is that being alone with a man, any man, can be triggering for me.  Ok, if it is a man I don't find attractive or who doesn't find me attractive then that level of triggering is reasonably low and I can deal with it but unfortunately in that situation I am watching for a response, mostly because I need to know to protect myself but also because deep down I want to get one.  And if I do then at that point the level of triggering hits the ceiling, I am totally powerless and all I can do is run before someone makes the first move.
So when I am alone with that very nice kind man that I get on with so well in a completely non sexual way and have so much in common with - should I have been surprised - and we both the get that reaction at pretty much the same time....

Luckily we both ran.  And now we are setting some boundaries but I had a week of totally uncontrollable lustful obsessive thoughts (and so did he) then the big come down, feeling like I had been kicked in the gut, crying, exhaustion, lack of concentration, anxiety.

But something else I learned.  I have an awesome Higher Power. I learned that when I am totally powerless He takes over and carries me. 

I also learned that I had made progress.  A year ago I would have escaped into my own secret world to lick this wound.  Now I ring people and ask them to pray, I talk it over, let it out, hand it over and that works so well.  And neither did I cut off from the other person involved, we have communicated (safely) tried to support one another, been caring in what we have said.  I have not lost a friend and brother over this.

And when I was given the chance to be alone in the car with another brother today, you are right I said politely 'No'.  I have learned.