I have had a bit of a rough week.  It has been really difficult to drag my brain out of the gutter.  Several times I have found my thoughts drifting towards sexual fantasy from the most innocent of beginnings.  I have twice rung fellow addicts to distract myself and break the trance I was in.  What worried me was that the temptations have all been in the same direction. I didn't want to spoil the relationship that the addict in me wanted to sexualise. Then I figured that my bottom line only forbids fantasy about real people so I invented someone that I could fantasise about and off I went.

But that felt like cheating.  Like giving up smoking and wearing a nicotine patch instread even when the cravings stopped.  I think I learned a lot from that and a lot of clarity about what I am giving up.  And that it is good to talk and pray with other people when I am tempted.

I am also acknowledging my powerlessness over this aspect of my recovery and loosening my knuckles a bit to rely on my Higher Power.  He has the power to release me and I need to turn more to Him in prayer each day.Cara