17 days and counting.  I have had some bad days this week when all I wanted to do was pick a man (any man) and invent a whole romance with him in my head.  There were so many triggers stress, tiredness, boredom, the usual times when I fantasise, supermarkets, even a walk in the rain.  On Friday I was tired, bored, got driven twice in the car and shopped for food with my hysband who likes to examine every price in the store.  By the time I got out I was screaming internally with frustration and temptation and the first thing I thought was 'I need a drink' Well there is nothing like exchanging one addiction for another is there and using alcohol when I was lonely, tired and tempted was not a great idea but I did have one and that was ok.

I have a rubber band around my wrist and I ping it when I get tempted, simple conditioning, I have been told it works.

One thing I have discovered is that I have been chanelling a lot of my sexuality through the fantasies and I'm not at all sure what to do with all of it now.  I have been drawn more to masturbate as my current sex life does not seem enough somehow.  I'm hoping this is a temporary setback I don't want to add compulsive masturbation to my addictive behaviours.

Hey ho.  But it is working. And thank God I am doing this. Cara

Tags: Fantasy Thank God