Well the weekend arrived at last and the sun actually shone, yipee!

Perfect peace here with my younger son visiting the elder in the far north. I have decided I am going to change my inner circle to include romantic/sexual fantasy about real people. It's not going to be easy, there was a time when I swore I could never live without it. But it has been an easy way to medicate which means that although to all intents and purposes I am sober I am getting my kicks all day every day and really messing up what could be nice relationships by thinking that way about male friends and fellow addicts. It has been bothering me for some time but I really didn't want to do it if I wasn't going to last more than a couple of days. I suppose I think if I don't kick this then I can't really call it recovery.

I do believe that this was prompted by my Higher Power who seemed to intervene in a fantasy I was having 10 days ago and stopped me in my tracks.  I have been able to do without it since then.

So I have managed not to do it for 10 days, it has not been easy especially as I have had the odd involuntary flashback (I knew my fantasy world was an alternative reality to me but that was wierd) I have felt very tempted and sometimes it felt really 'wrong' not doing it. This is something that has been going on in my head for four decades so I suppose I am doing well.

The hardest thing is finding something else to think about, my mind just goes blank and wants to go down it's usual path. I'm curious to know if I will still get obsessed with anyone if I don't do this. Chicken or Egg!

Yes, there we are, cause and effect, depression, probably adrenaline withdrawal. Watch this space.