I was told that without my drinking there would be a void in my life. There was. By the Grace of God I have had it filled with service and and commitment to others. I didn't want much of anything to do with people before this. Now I do.
     I guess what I'm saying is God will give you a shopping list of ToDo's. You have to see it. It may be something you've ignored or passed by up til now - but it's there.
Good Hunting...
Dennis

Hi Cara - 

For me, several times I felt like I was between a rock and a hard place. I knew that I what I used to turn to was no good, but what God had for me at the time seemed to be less than what I wanted. So I have had to wait, and work with what "little" (or so it seemed at the time) God gave me to go on. ("You mean those things that you told me 10 years ago, God, that I haven't really done - that I am STILL supposed to work on those things?). I have had to realize that God's time-frames are not my time-frames and that even when I am very earnest and try to get through a step quickly, then unless I really do the step deeply and fully, that I cannot move on. (In that case, I may be one of those who fall into your group of being on day one after 2 years - it seems like it has been taking several years to really work through my steps 6 and 7 - so take my words with whatever grain of salt that you deem appropriate). So I can go back to my sick behaviors - which only work for a few minutes, hours, days or perhaps weeks to hide me from the reality and tediousness of my life, or I can stay the course, be thankful for the "little" things in my life (not having fights with my spouse, not having headaches, having a subtle but real, even if ever so slight sense of growing peace within) and try to learn contentment with "life on life's terms". Those are not the choices that I would imagine would bring boisterous joy and big smiles to my life, but those are my choices as I see them. And perhaps the joy and the smiles will come - and then I hope that I have a peace that they are more lasting than ever before. 

Thanks for "listening". And thanks for sharing. 

God has already released good things into your future. When God laid out the plan for your life, He lined up the right people, the right circumstances, and the right breaks. In your future, He’s already released favor, supernatural opportunities, and divine connections. The breaks you need in life have already been preordained to come across your path. If you will stay in faith and go out each day and be a person of excellence, you’ll walk into these appointments of favor. It will be just as if you stumbled into God’s blessings! When you really understand this principal, you’ll begin to get excited about every single day! You’ll have a spring in your step as you think about what blessing is coming next! It could be today. It could be tomorrow. It could be next week. Keep expecting. Keep believing. Stay focused on the fact that God has already released into your future everything you need to fulfill your destiny. Start declaring seasons of increase over your life. Declare that the favor is on you and opportunities are coming. As you do, you’ll move forward into the favor and blessing God has ordered for you!

If I may, it seems to me that your dream of searching for a 'man' could very well could be God. Or at least a part of you trying to tell you something beyond the depression is telling you that. However, everyone's dreams are different and don't necessarily mean the same thing, but that is my take anyway...

Hope you feel better and hang in there!