This week I was hurt by two friends who didn't want to spend time with me.  I don't think they meant to hurt me but when two different peole who you have been close to tell you they just can't be bothered to meet up with you it can be hurtful.  I always end up thinking 'What did I do?' and blame myself.  Of course I didn't have to 'do' anything because what I am is enough to make people uncomfortable.  This is the way my mind goes.  And then of course I remember all of the other relationships I had that went sour on me.  I never knew the reason why that happened.  I have recently assumed that they went wrong because I was unable to be honest about myself.  So why did these two people who I have been honest with change their opinion of me?

There it is, I don't know because I didn't ask, at the first sign of trouble instead of asking why I just headed for the hills.  I discovered it is far harder to forgive a friend than it is an enemy.  When you forgive an enemy, they remain your enemy and you don't have to be with them if you don't want to.  But if a friend hurts you, the relationship is changed, you know they are capable of being hurtful and that makes you less likely to trust them in future.

Maybe I have an idealised picture of friendship, that comes of looking at it from the outside a lot. So how do I bring this up with my friends without giving them a guilt trip or looking like an idiot. Cara