Well, I've finally found a sponsor that fits, a higher power that I can pray to, made it through all 12 steps, agreed to sponsor another member, and taken a male newcomer to their first meeting. I had taken a newcomer to their first meeting before, but wasn't initially doing it for the right reason. Even though I did the right things when I took her, my mind wanted to do other things, sometimes we can actually get past our less than honorable motives and do good. I can't always control my thoughts, but without drugs and with the program, I can oftentimes control my actions in this thing called recovery. What a wonderful thing! If only I could control my thoughts, I came into this thing somewhere between an Athiest and an Agnostic, as such I couldn't find a higher power that worked for me. I decided to apply one of the priciples to the problem, the principle of openmindedness. I started going to Church and praying to God, I've seen and experienced some things that have helped me to believe. That said, me being me, always needs more. I've prayed for God to come into my life, but haven't felt the sudden feeling of overwhelming peace and serenity that so many describe. So I find myself wondering if somewhere in the wreckage that I've created lies that one unpardonable sin. Hopefully someday my mind will slow down enough to see what is in front of me. 

Tags: Reflective