Hi everyone. This is Andera again. I am not sure what to put today, but i feel like i need to talk. I have more issues going on besides just recovering, although i can say that i have two weeks and 1 day under my belt for now. However, with my other issues it is such a struggle not to want to just crawl in my bed and hide. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar II / Mania, severe depression, Panic Disorder, and PTSD. Now we have found that the medication that i am taking is causing additional problems along with these others. I feel like i am going crazy. I just want the confusion, anxiety, and depression to STOP. I want to be able to function on a normal level....yeah i know what is that...I am talking about getting back to how i was before i used....I was strong, knew what i wanted, took care of myself and others, and was always the first to step up to help take care of something for my family members. I am just lost in an abyss of nothingness and very raw feelings. The recovery part is not the hard part....for me it is the want to use. I know that I have to give it up to god, it is imperative to get passed step one. Which i am still working on step one. Any way, my concentration level is next to nothing. I can't sit still for no more than 5 minutes or so, and can't seem to keep my mind in one spot as well. So i am going to close for now. Maybe i will post something when i am having a good day...but haven't had one of those yet. Thanks every one.

Tags: Using Drugs Depression Anxiety

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Hi my name is Andrea. I am clean 1 week and 3 days today Sept 2, 2009. I have found that being clean is awesome and scary. It is awesome because nothing is fake. Not my emotions, not my love,not my honesty,nor my serenity with myself that is growing inside of me and with others. The reason i say it is scary is for all the above mentioned reasons as well. I have a wonderful sponser and have started working the steps. I am surprised with myself on how honest that i want to be to make this work for me, in the past while i was using i would have tried to manipulate the situation to work for me as easy as possible. Now working it honestly and hard makes even one question in the steps all worth it. I have to say that i have recently been diagnosed with bipolar manic, PTSD, severe depression, and panic disorder, so my recovery is bringing on a whole new meaning for me. I m working it all so i am working it good and slow. I want to thank everyone for giving the time and space to share in here. 

Tags: Sharing Recovery

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