This will be my first attempt at a Blog, Not really knowing what a blog is supposed to be.
Any how, I can say that I have been sober since June 3, 1985 I was 4 months way from tunning 25. I say this because right around my birth day things really got interesting in my commitment to sobriety.
First before I go there. let me say. that I see it was a combination of my life style and Drugs that brought me to my knees.
I loved Crank. and looking back as a Child I was always hyper, so it just figured that speed was going to be my drug, but growing up in the 60's and 70's Acid was a close second with marijuana a every day thing. of course I tried every thing under the sun, but Alcohol and Speed with my daily dose of weed was my life.
I had a a Father that did business with Bikers and they looked to me as a young boy as the epitome of Man hood, Tough, Mean, Did what they wanted, Cops were afraid of them, and they road loud awesome Machines...lol
Getting beaten every day of my life was a good motivator for some kind of escape and at 15 one of those bikers took me under his wing and became my mentor, I am grateful for him he is still a part of my life even if I don't see him much any more.
At seventeen I was offered a job as a bouncer in a totally nude strip club, I though I was on top of the world with that job.and my friends thought it was cool as well. of course as kids we would.
Funny how reality has a way of creeping up on you,
I was only working a few months and had my first gun fight. I was inches way from a bullet that hit the guy I was about to tackle. talk about having to get my head on straight really quick. That day I grow up in so many ways, Unfortunately it took my down some not so great places as I became tougher and meaner and more capable.
you know it is a strange thing to look back on your life.
I some time think it was all a movie ,I'd hoped it did not really happen. in retrospect to where I am now, I am not that person any more.
But I did do things that as a child growing up thought I would never do. I remember the day I hit my bottom saying to my self not in so many words: that I was ashamed to have become the person I had become.
So not to tell all. I will jump to the 4 months after I started my sobriety. check this out. I did not completely give up all my connections to every one yet, Although I did tell God As I understood him and was growing to understand, that I was ready to let go and do what ever it takes....lol watch out for what you ask for
The Club I worked at burned down one night and 2 days later my house blew up,(yes) blew up. some one wanted to make an impression on me...lol
I found my self with no attachment to things because they all were burned up
and had no where to live, ..except all these incredible people in my 12 step meeting that came out of no-where to offer me a couch, a floor and a way out of my life to the unknown.
I was and am so blessed and did not even know it. God kicks some serious ass. do you know what I mean.
Man I was in a place of let go and let God like no other place I had ever been before in my life. and I loved it.
I was facing new challenges and having a spiritual awakening that to this day I can not adequately describe.
My statement at the end of all my e-mails reads:
Stay True To The Journey
because that is what my life has revealed to me and it is all good no matter how f**ked up it may seem in the moment.
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Look I am going to take a break. can't say how long it will be before I get back to this but feel free to write me.
As we say in the program:
we share our experiences and strenghts to help each other grow.
Tags: Reflective
