Don't you love it when people, places, things, and personalities find a permenent fixture in your thoughts? The sock puppets start talking and the conversations go on for days on end & honestly can for years! You say this and then I say that. RIGHT! Okay you are all saying who is this chick, she is nuts.....WELL I KNOW BETTER.....YOU ALL HAVE SOCK PUPPETS TO! I know this because you are one of me.
How it use to be for me was years of the sock puppets and I mean years! Years of sock puppets (people places things personalities) renting space in my head. Taking up all the room. When I say rent I use that word literally because it is a CHOICE! It talks in the Big Book p64 about "being the number one offender....it destroys more alcoholics...and all forms of spiritual disease stem from it....." One of our wonderful books also talks about justifiable anger/resentment being the dubious luxury of normal folks...blinding us from the sunlight of the spirit. Well I for one thing have lived in the dark not only in my drinking years but also in sobriety and I don't want it anymore.
I have a situation involving my business and another person in the program where I felt this person acted very unethically for personal gain. I expected more honest behavior out of one of us. Well I have to look at my words here. The word expected! Where does the word expected point? It points to the other person not me. There lies my trouble. The sock puppets are running amuck! I am exhausted, unable to focus on important tasks at hand, and give appropriate loving responses to my family. Guess what it is time to EVICT THE SOCK PUPPETS! A good baraometer for me is when I am uncomfortable in my own skin.
So I set out with the good orderly direction from the BB & 12x12 that has never failed me.
Put it to paper
Pray for the person
Read everything about resentment I can find because I want the promises. I want to know they are coming.
Let it Go - If I have layed the foundation I need to believe that relief will come in my higher powers time not mine.
I am one of you and that is where the hope is for me. We have a program that has been tried and tested by millions with 100% success. Applying the good orderly direction in those books in my life has been the smartest thing I have ever done. I need to be brought to my knees now and then, only to once again be lifted up. I REALLY LIKE THE LIFTING UP PART THE BEST!!! TEEEHEEEE For me the lifting up is an affirmation of my higher powers love for me and the hard truth of how successful this program is if practiced.
So I end by saying that I do one thing perfect and that is by being that pefectly imperfect human being that my higher power set me out to be.
With the greatest of love,
From your perfectly imperfect sister Kristin O
Tags: Resentment Sock Puppets
I love to be told what to do! Well not exactly. I don't necessarily like to be told what to do by people but I love the good orderly direction that is in the 12x12 and the Big Book. In the 12x12 page 98 it talks about the unshakeable foundation that we can build for us through self-examination, meditation and prayer. IT SAYS......."NO MATTER HOW FALTERING OUR ATTEMPTS"...WE ARE ACCEPTED!
Wow. There is no perfection, it is our attempts at making conscious contact with a higher power that have weight. I have to tell you I have a busy active mind and have a hard time focusing. I have a destination in mind and I don't see the journey. Much like a kid on a walk noticing all the butterflies, ants and worms. That is the norm to be on that journey and noticing all the little things in our path. Sometimes my higher power has to shake me up and tell me to be quiet and slow down and see my journey.
I fail falteringly everyday and I am so glad that I am exactly what my higher power made me to be:
That perfectly imperfect human being!
My higher power sees me as a work in progress and no matter how painful that work is, at times I am greatful that I am noticed and important enough in my higher powers eyes.
That is my thought for the day. I would love to hear yours.
Kristin O
Tags: Step 11 Prayer Meditation Progress Not Perfection
