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I’ve been spending a lot of time on family tree research, obituaries have gotten to me. Here’s one for our family dog that passed yesterday:
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On Monday, July 14, 2008, at 5:15pm, I lost one of my best friends, my family Shetland Sheepdog Lucky.
Lucky was 11-years old born on July 7, 1997 in Camp Pendleton, California to the our Family.
He came out into world struggling to breathe. His mother left him aside to continue to birth the litter. My husband was able to help clear his throat passage-way and get him to breathe. We named him Lucky, because he survived. It was becomingly fit as he was also born on July 7, 1997 (7-7-7). We were selling the puppies, but no one would buy Lucky. We decided to raise him as our own, rather he chose us to be his guardian in this life!
During the past few years, Lucky was gaining weight and having trouble walking. He had major arthritis in his rear left hip, high cholesterol, liver problems and obesity issues. Monday, Lucky was in too much pain to move by himself. Normally energetic and willing to follow people out the door, I had to carry him to the car.
Although Lucky barked an awful lot, fought with his mother, Precious, residing with the family, and shed loads of long fur daily he will be dearly missed.
I had the unfortunate business of taking him to the vet to let him rest peacefully. I sat by his side while he slowly relaxed, and when the last of the shot was administered to finalize his movement, the vet cried with me.
He is survived by his Mother and his adopted family members. He will be remembered with many fond memories.
Burial is pending due to cremation and delivery of ashes.
I haven't been online much in the past month - just on and off real quick to catch up on other's blogs. I haven't had time to make comments on other's pages or blogs. I am still sober and clean. I celebrated my 6-months last Thursday and received my chip at AA. Next month I'll be ready to commit to Secetary one AA meeting during the week.
I've been attending SMART Recovery and LifeRing meetings. I enjoy the cross talk and immeidate feedback in these meetings, than the "no cross talk" in AA. I, also, still have my Wednesday Group commitment. During "my time" I have been researching the family tree on ancestry.com. It's been awesome at giving me something to do instead of vegitating in front of the TV.
Now I feel more capable of doing something for myself, and my family. The thought of using has diminished.
It is definitely still not easy! It is one day at time, prayer, meditation, work, meetings and/or research. The weekends are spent with family - as it should be. I have been enjoying my grandchildren on the weekends. They make me glow!
House cleaning has become simple - amazing what happens when you clean up after self, instead of letting the dishes sit in the sink for weeks on end (whe I was using): easier to clean the mess, less time to clean... A six month reflection? Such lifestyle change, I don't even know who i was 6-months ago! I enjoy the support of all my support groups. Including this site. I am thankful for all who remember me and post a comment! Please - keep coming back!
Always Keep It Simple. Peace!
 These past 5-months have been very active for me. It's been about me becoming active in my recovery.
I was chatting - online - with a friend of mine who wrote that she had wished her "issues were as easy as taking something away".
This has become a lifestyle change for me. It's not as easy just taking something away. It's frequent meetings (anywhere between 4-10 per week, depending on moods), group therapy (once a week), and counseling with my Case Manger (once every other week). It's a day-t-day lifestyle change.
My group therapy has increased from 6 to 10 people in less than two weeks. Many are transitioning from the three-days a week program to the one night a week. We were able to give introductions to the whole group, so everyone is caught up about "what is was like, what got us here, and what is is like now".
My story is told in this general way: I've been using and drinking since I was 13/14-years old. When I got in trouble, I learned for a bit, before going out and doing the same thing. This behavior continued after I joined the Marine Corps. I drank (didn't use because of the drug testing in the service) almost everyday for 2-years while stationed in Oki. I also found that I never had a relationship that didn't involve drinking (I met every guy I've been with through drinking). This was obvious in the creation of my beliefs that drinking = relationships (whether sexual or acceptance). The drinking took me to another level of addiction - the sexual addiction. Looking for Love in all the wrong places! I've accepted that my drinking had become progressive: it didn't matter the degree of trouble I experienced, I'd "quit" for awhile, then, slowly start drinking again. I also discovered that the more I drank, the more I forgot about my Higher Power - my God- then, the more I went back to the wrong places. I got to recovery based on a my psychiatrist's "suggestion" that I visit the Chemical Dependency department for a screening. I thought it was a way to help me deal with my son's dual-diagnosis. Now, here I am today. Five months later. Clean and sober and not wanting to go back to the drama of drinking.
It's work living life! As my parents always told me: No one said life was easy, nor life is fair.
Living life on life's term...By The Grace of God...One Day at a Time... and remembering to Keep It Simple.
Did I happen to mention I'm getting inked again. I have an appointment today at 4pm. My new addiction? ha!
I must say I am a book-aholic. I've been collecting - and reading - books that deal with Recovery. Have you ever read a book when You think you were the subject of the book?
One book I am reading is titled Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow - 12 Simple Principles, by Karen Casey. Her Chapter 1 - Tend Your Own Garden - provides insight to the principle of controlling the only thing we can conrol: our own responses to life. She says "The irony is that we always see in others the very behavior that we need to pay some attention to in ourselves." Wow! How many times I have been wanting to change others behaviors, thoughts, dream, problems, successes or failure! And yes - these are the people that have those behaviors, thoughts, dreams, problems that I need to change in myself. Casey lists the following behavior changes: *Attend to Your Life, No One Else's! *Let Go and Let Others Be Themselves. (Let Go and Let God!)
*Get Out of the Center of Other People's Lives. (This worked for me when I let my son live his life and I was not controlling his every move!) *Take No Hostages. (How many times have we heard don't let other's own our emtional energy; or don't let other's rent space in your mind!!!)
Accept the things I cannot control. Hmmm... what a concept. More later.
Don't we addicts think of nothing but how something effects us? I still work on giving it up (Let it Go) and other's decisions should not effect me. I need to speak up and ask questions; instead of ASSUMING that other's are thinking what I think they are thinking!
I need to work on remembering I am not a mind reader! When I start thinking someone else have negative thoughts about me - I am doomed to a self-pity party! I still have feelings! I can get hurt, angry or estactically happy - and I don't have to drink to feed the emotions. I reach into my tool kit and find what's going to work instead of drinking.
My Pity-party lasted less than 1 hour. I worked through my emotions and placed the factual information before me. Wow - what a concept, huh?! I called my sponsor - another decent concept, huh?! I went to a meeting - that I was four days overdue - whew! I'm on a roll! God is good when I can STOP feeling for myself and look at what is really going on. Thanks for reading!
Tags: Self-pity Self-doubt
My daughter (step) had her third child - a beautiful Girl. We welcomed Tessa in our world today at 1:50pm (West Coast time), weighing in at 7lbs and 12 ozs, and 20 inches long. I posted pics in my gallery - or at my other blog on myspace. What a beautiful day!
I've always known that I've done things that have harmed others. I put off doing the 4th Step because I already knew what I would write. I kept those secrets in journals that I burned year-to-year (to get rid of the past). Because I wrote them so many times (starting a journal over again, just to burn it when the following year). I've gone to confession (I'm Catholic) annually and was forgiven of my sins.
Why rehash all these journals and confessions?
Sunday afternoon, I was surfing the SoberRecovery forums and read "Just Do It!" I did it - Step 4! I wrote them out! Finally! But, I got confused about those Resentments.
I went through these with my sponsor (the 5th Step), and admitted my confusion. When we got to "my part" - I really had some resentments that were others faults. When I shared these, my sponsor was able to help me identify my faults. i.e. I had this gal that continuously stole from me. I always forgave her. We hung out, she "borrowed" money, she "borrowed" things, and our friendship ended when she stole my credit card from my house.
Here I was avoiding retaliation or argument with my "friend" for not returning my things...I was trying to be helpful by forgiving, but she keeps stealing from me... I was trying to be kind and tolerant of her actions. I was angry with her and resent her for taking advantage of my goodness. But what was I doing wrong? Where was I to blame?
My sponsor helped me identify my codependency issues: I was self-seeking, looking for friends ("in all the wrong places"). I wanted friends; I would rather have friends steal from me, than have no one at all. That led me into "hanging out with the wrong crowd" all the time.
Whew! I'm glad I'm here - and I'll keep coming back!
Tags: Secrets Step4 Love Resentment
After my tiff at work - my character default at work - I've been able to slow down. Not slow down at working, but slowing down my thoughts at work. It's amazing when I let my Higher Power work with me! The stresses seem to disappear.
Today: In the daily meditation book, Keep It Simple, it reads: We learn how to pause and think before we act. We ask, "What is the best way to handle this?" ... We listen to our actions, and we think about them. This listening and thinking takes time. This slows us down. It gives us time to talk without Higher Power. I can't imagine a more perfect meditation than how my past week has been going!!
Prayer for the Day: I pray that I don't get caught up in the rush of the day. Higher Power, teach me to stop and think, to seek Your wisdom.
Action for the Day: Today, I'll set aside time to think, meditate, and be alone. I will listen to what's inside me.
April is almost over, and with that is a letter for my personal file. "My expectations for the future: to treat everyone who walks into the office with a sense of dignity and respect."
Although "I am capable of showing others uncommon kindness and sensitivity", sadly, it is the rare occassions and the bad days that get me in trouble, and not the focus of the letter.
I'm not angry for my boss doing what had to be done.
I am angry that he had to bring something that happened "several years ago, owing to similar complaints." I was able to indicate that our boss does not meet with us on continuous basis to discuss business, issues, concerns or training.
Tags: Character_default Confidence Arrogance
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