I don't always have time lately to get on the computer at home and can't acess the site from work.  To all my friend---you have been in my thoughts and prayers, even if I'm not online.  Right now, I'm grieving the loss of my 15 year old dog, Bonnie.  Early Wednesday morning (7/29/09), we had to take her to the emergency vet.  It was so unexpected, she was her happy self just hours before we noticed something wasn't right.  Apparently (per vet), she had congestive heart failure and the only humane option was to put her down.  What a horrible decision for us to make.  Our animals are our kids (we don't have any 2 legged ones).  I've been through a lot of death of loved ones in recovery, but it is never easy.  We've had Bonnie since she was about 1 year old--rescue dog!  God, I miss her so much.  I'll cry at the drop of a hat.  I know it's a process and it will get easier in time.  I'm lucky my boss is an animal person and didn't have a problem with me taking the rest of the week off (not that I'd be worth s**t anyway).  I'm not looking forward to tomorrow--1st day back. I work with some great people and I know they will mean well when I get the "I'm so sorry......"  I'll just have to take that in stride.  Fortunately, recovery has given me the ability to feel---damn it :-) My sponsor and support group have been great. But my heart hurts!  I miss her so very much. 

Just wanted to share where I'm at---it helps to get it out.

Peace and Hugs

Lisa

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I haven't been on the site in awhile---missed everyone.  So, who ever reads this---HI!  Hope everyone is doing well.  I've been so busy, it's been crazy.  Still clean and for the most part serene.  I just celebrated another year--what a miracle.  But, I'm so grateful for TODAY! I've reconnected with an old sponsee who had been out for awhile--what a gift.  Things here is Virginia keep moving  forward.  Getting ready to get on the bike and hit my homegroup.  Peace and hugs, Lisa

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It's another day---to be grateful. I'm holding on to that and honoring the process.  Still sad and scared. I've been around long enough to bury several friends who have chosen to not to embrace recovery and return to active addiction.  I will say---but for the grace of god, there go I.  Where I live, there aren't a lot of oldtimes that continue to attend meetings (won't go there...a whole different topic).  So, when I share at meetings..which I do and share whatever is going on, including pain---I get "but you have time...."  Oldtimers need hugs and support too.  When I watch those I love go through their pain and I know that there is nothing I can do unless they want help---it sucks and hurts.  I know the ends---jail, institutions and death.  I've been taught that I need to allow people to go through their process and be there if they want help.  So, all I can do is be an example and not try to rescue anyone.  My sponsor's been great and always has words of wisdom or just an ear to listen---I guess somethimes that's all we need.  I'd love to go through life with nothing but positive things to share---but I live in reality (ugh) and it's not always warm and fuzzy.  So, thanks to all who listened (read) and comented on the last blog I did (new to the whole blog thing)  but I'm kinda liking it.  It's a great way to get things out and not hold them in to fester.  Shared pain is pain lessened. There is light at the end of the tunnel.  I don't want to slip into depression or anger (other issues), I've come too far. 
Peace
Lisa

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This has been a week from hell. As I sit here, feeling grateful I'm clean, at the same time sad.  Lots going on--life on life's terms.  I had to work hard to keep moving forward and not crawl under the covers and hide.  Have to admit--that was my first thought.  Seveal of my friends have chosen to go back out and use----that sucks and the first step tells me that I'm just as powerless over their disease as I am over mine.  I haven't had much time to be on the computer---I've checked the site and then off to take care of responsibilities.  I want to thank all those who sent comments as well as those who are involved with this site.  HUGS to all---knowing that I'm not alone helps--even just checking someone's page brought some comfort.  Just needed to get that out!
Peace and Hugs
Lisa

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