Forward:The meeting topic this evening was on The Tools for Recovery as follows: 12&12, Meetings, Getting a Sponsor,Picking up the Phone,Service that includes various Positions Group Rep., Secretary, Treasurer and of course Being a Sponsor to a new Comer. 

I was struck by the obvious difference in the experiences of my fellows who shared if they were Sponosred or went it alone, Non-Sponsored. This is purely observational yet it confirmed to me the fact that "I" as a recovering ACOA,Childhood Domestic Violence-Physical/Sexual Abuse Survivor  and coping with Depression-Post Traumatic Stress/ Anxiety Disorders associated w/surviving such Childhood trauma, I am by the Grace of God (how ever you understand him) truly one of the fortunate few.

The fact that I could even trust another human being with my thoughts, my Story, my pain,MY Truth is a miracle. Having experienced such a precarious introduction in life of neglect, emotions, behaviors and lack of personal,physical Boundries their would seem little hope for "Undoing" all that was done.

I have learned with out questions that "All is not what it seems" and Truths are not concrete. Yes one can be lead out of the depths of Darkness of such cruel Childhood abuse & Learned negative relating and Dysfunction in the Family of Origin by commiting to a the consistent,persistent patient mentoring of a Sponsor-Sponsee relationship.  

My experience with my Sponsor is absolutely life changing. I would not and could not "Work" the 12&12 nor RECOVER on my own, with the "sick" distorted thoughts & behavioral patterns aquired from living with Addicted care takers*. My Sponsor is  a source of consistent guidance, support,fostering accountabilty from me even if I am full of fear, discomfort or concern about judgement. She has helped me face reality as is and not hope for what wasn't  as in survival skills used prior.

 It isn't a perfect relationship and that is the beauty. Like being in Recovery, We are both in this relationship by choice. It is a real relationship based on truth,respect and accpetance.  "Spilled milk requires a paper towel not a back-hander...LOL". I learn what is appropriate, what is true, what is good/challenging about life now and what of those in the past. I get to experience  "Me" as a friend, as a supporter, as a listener, as a Thriver, not just a survivor.

I don't have my sponsor on a pedestal and I never have.  I heard her share in my Home group Meeting for over a year before I got the courage to start to share my story with the group. I approached her during a break out side on a the most frigid, icy,cold November evening I can ever remember. I inhaled and asked if she would think about the possibilty of ...becoming my....and she looked at me and said before I finished "Let's Meet for Coffee...how does Saturday Sound?"...I don't remember feeling the cold after that.

I was taking the biggest step that would ultimately change my life, my Recovery Full Stop.  This November I will be taking my dear, dear friend and Sponsor of 6 years out for 'our' Anniversary. I get a lump in my throat just thinking about all she has listened to, all she has shared, all she has given me, all she has BELIEVED in me, ALL SHE HAS LOVED ME WHEN I WAS NO WHERE'S NEAR EVEN CLOSE TO LOVING MYSELF!! I am grateful I am one in the fellowship  who is sponsored because for me I somehow knew I NEEDED a sponsor for a shot at Recovery even before I could fully see How "RECOVERY" and a spiritual Path would come to SAVE MY LIFE & my kids lives. 

My Beautiful sponsor has always told me again and again after We have kicked the sh*t out of a Step together or Worked through difficult painful situation in Life ...She says with the most beautiful pleased Grin,the type you can hear on the phone even lol...and she has the most stunning perrywinkle blue eyes I have ever known in my life, gleeming  like crystals,She beams like a Cheshire Cat,"HA HA  Miss Amy,Welcome!  to Your feelings...Welcome to Life"! I love it...makes me beam right back! 

That's when I know I've successfuly peeled away another protective defensive layer. That's when I feel that I'm just that nearer to God, to Me. 

Then she thanks me...She honestly and gratefuly friggin Thanks ME?!!!! She does it every time for the honor of experiencing My growing, learning, loving and coming ALIVE or UN-thawed as she calls it. She says it keeps her humble and she likes that.

Why? because she was Just like me when she came into the halls. She says "Baby, ya gotta give it away to keep it!"....and laughs her pixie laugh. I'll keep what she has given me & one day, When my HP sees fit and someone summons up the courage to ask me to sponsor them? ... I fully intend on smiling  and suggesting something like "Let's Meet for Coffee...how does Saturday Sound?"

So, I ask you Brothers and Sisters, Got Sponsor? 

WHAT DOES A SPONSOR DO?
A sponsor's primary responsibility is to help a sponsee work the 12 Steps

• A sponsor helps us work the 12 Steps by providing explanation, guidance and encouragement.
• A sponsor helps us get established quickly in our Fellowship by explaining basic concepts and terminology and by introducing us to other members.
• A sponsor is a safe person whom we can learn to trust.
• A sponsor can answer the many questions that we can have as newcomers or develop as "mid-timers."
• A sponsor can help us in the process of self-examination that the Steps require.
• A sponsor encourages us to read the basic text of our Fellowship and other program literature and to engage in Fellowship activities and service work.
• A sponsor can monitor our progress, confront us when it is appropriate and generally help us stay on the recovery path.
  • A sponsor confronts our behavior, not our being, and he or she does it with compassion.
• A sponsor reminds us to apply 12 Step principles in our lives.
• A sponsor models the 12 Step program of recovery.
• Our sponsor is available in times of crisis.
• A sponsor provides practice in building relationships.

WHAT A SPONSOR DOES NOT DO:

• A sponsor cannot keep us in recovery.
• A sponsor is not our therapist
• A sponsor should not attempt to control our lives or encourage an unhealthy dependence.
• A sponsor should not take advantage of us our exploit us in any way.

SOME FACTORS TO CONSIDER IN CHOOSING A SPONSOR:

1. Has what we want
2. Lives in the solution
3. Walks the talk
4. Has a sponsor
5. Emphasizes the steps
6. Has more time in recovery than we do
7. Has worked more steps than we have
8. Is available for telephone calls and meetings
9. Emphasizes the spiritual aspect of the program
10. Gender is the same as ours*

IF A POTENTIAL SPONSOR SAYS NO:  

Some reasons are:

1. The person is currently sponsoring as many people as he or she can handle. A sponsor who takes on too many sponsees does each of them (and himself or herself) a disservice.
2. The person is not taking on new sponsees because of a heavy travel schedule, a planned move, or some other reason based on where he or she is in life or the program.
3. After discussing the potential sponsorship, the person realizes the match would not be a good one. That conclusion is as much about the potential sponsor as it is about us.
   • When potential sponsors reject our request for sponsorship, it is usually about them.
   • It's a privilege to sponsor someone. And it's one of the ways we stay in recovery.