I am going to appologize right now , i most likely will not leave a comment on someones blog for i am usually reluctant to give out advice. i do read many and have some of the same feelings as many of you.  So I am sorry.

Now as far as my last blog , THANK YOU  THANK YOU  THANK YOU!!!!!!!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!!!!!!!

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being depressed is not a choice. I have a condition. I work daily on not being this way...however because of a chemical imbalance in my brain i am depressed. So being sad is not a choice. Also i have extenuating cercomstances that have also contributed to me being depressed even more. I know that life has so much to offer and that i can achieve most of these things, with a little work, which is what i am doing. I come on here to get some things off my chest and i was told that i choose to be this way...well if i chose this , i would not blog or let anyone in on my feelings. This is one thereputic tool that was taught to me in treatment and is very healthy to do , has been proven to work. For an individual to come on here and tell me that i choose to be this way is arrogant and close minded, it is a way for him to poke at others and start s**t. If you do not have any words of encouragement and GOOD advice , or criticism , dont messege me about what i blog, I will not tollerate it. I have more knowledge about what it is that is going on with me than one person who thinks he knows what is what. Take your own inventory and stop takeing mine. I am sure that you have more to work on than i do, since it is I who is sharing about me and what is going on with me and not telling others that they choose to be depressed. Its like saying someone chooses to be diabetic or chooses to be an addict.

Thank you and have a happy holiday.

Joshua

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Thank you for all your replies , you guys are helping me out . I just post cause i do not relly talk to people about stuff and its a lot easier for me....

With Love from your sad sad friend....

Joshua

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Well for the past few days I have been pretty sad thinking about my little girl and with the holidays on the aproach I am getting really down. I know that it comes with the territory , but man it really sucks.... These feelings really are just not what i want to be feeling right now.... i want to have some gratitude and serenity .... i try to be greatful and stuff but s**t ,I just end up being sad cause i end up thinnking about her. I havent cried either , for a very long time, i am afraid to, i am afraid it will hurt . I know that it is good to let it out but i dont like the feeling that comes with it, the open walls down being vulnerable and not in control. The other thing is that i want to have fun. I want to beable to just kick back and not worry.....ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

ok i am better for now....heheh

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Well I have made it 6 months and nothing in my life has gotten much better. I have moved thousands of miles from my daughter and my family and i have not found a job where i live. I go to meetings regularly and i dont hang out with people who do use. I am afraid that i might not have a place to live coming january. But any way... blah blah blah

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